Encounters
by cifan
Summary: Takes place after Next Time.
1. Chapter 1

**Spoiler: Probability**

**Character's thoughts are in italics.**

**This follows Next Time, which followed Off the Wagon, which followed The Rescue.**

**Disclaimer: I own no one. Dick does.**

--

It was a couple of days after Valentine's Day and Alex Eames was frustrated and anguished. Frustrated because she wanted more of Bobby, and she didn't know quite how to deal with that. Her mind raced back and forth between their encounter from a few nights before and the fact that he went out on a date with someone else.

She was sitting in a Starbucks down the street from Bobby's apartment. She made it all the way over there, almost to him. She even got as close as the front door of his building, but then retreated to safety; taking refuge in his local coffee shop, trying to decide the best thing to do. Alex wanted nothing more than to go to Bobby. She knew the past few days at work were tough on him. They had just wrapped up a case involving homeless men and women being murdered after large insurance policies had been taken out on their lives. Bobby seemed to have grown attached to someone who had helped them, but that person ended up being part of the crime. Alex was imagining him sitting alone, feeling awful for having to put that poor man in jail. For that reason alone she wanted to see him; give him comfort.

But then there was the night they shared just a few days before. _God, that was incredible_. She closed her eyes and shook her head while she daydreamed a bit about all the wonderful things her partner did to her. _I don't know how he does it, but every time we're together he manages to make me feel things I've never felt before in my life_. A chill ran through her as she remembered what he felt like; his kiss, his touch, his hands, the weight of his body as it covered hers. She put an elbow on the table and dropped her forehead into her hand.

She let him into her bed that night, too. She had told herself that she wouldn't allow him there, that she didn't want that memory to haunt her as she climbed into it every night. But he had carried her into her room, and the way he looked, and after what he had just done to her…_ugh, God, I couldn't help it…I wanted him again so badly_. _Then he went and mentioned more condoms and well, that was that._ She didn't let him stay the night, but he was there for hours, she hasn't washed the pillow he used yet, she's waiting until she can't smell him on it anymore.

She lifted her head up and gave it a quick shake, trying to pull out of the torment she'd been inflicting upon herself.

Then there was his date the next night. The rational side of her knew that she should not be bothered by it. She told him to go, and she told him they had to keep what was going on between them casual. Alex knew both of those things were right to do. She had no ties to him, no claim, nothing. What he did was his business, she had no say in any of it.

But then there was the other side of her, the emotional side. When she thinks of him with anyone else, she feels as if she'd been kicked in the stomach. The thought of him sleeping with another woman was too much for her to bear.

_Oh my God, what am I gonna do?_

She also felt overwhelming anguish. There was something she hasn't told Bobby. Alex agreed to be a surrogate mother for her sister. The time was approaching for the procedure to take place; the doctors are going to try after her next menstrual cycle. She only has about two and half weeks, she has to tell Bobby soon. If she wanted to be really selfish, and truthful with herself, she would call the whole thing off. She wanted more time, with him. She needed to figure out what the hell they were really doing with each other and right now she felt like there was a timer, slowly ticking away the days and minutes and seconds; toward the moment when her body no longer belonged to him.

"Ma'am?"

Alex was stirred from her thoughts at the sound of a teenager trying to get her attention.

"We'll be closing soon, can I get you anything else?"

"No. Thank you, though." She made a motion to get up but stopped because she couldn't manage to move right away. She felt like the weight of the world was resting on her shoulders. _I wonder if this is how Bobby feels all the time? _

_I know I have to tell him about my plans. He needs to know soon, to give him time to adjust to this news. _

She let her mind drift to a place she rarely let it go. A baby of her own, a family of her own. She couldn't help but feel like she was giving up a chance for her own baby by being a surrogate. Being completely honest with herself, she let herself wonder if she and Bobby would have that chance. He's the first guy since Joe that she's thought about that way. And in her heart, she knows there won't be another. _It's Bobby or nothing. And right now, I could be throwing that all away for my sister's happiness._

Her head was in her hands when she heard the dangling of keys. The kid was back and wanted to leave.

She pushed herself up out of the chair, put her coat back on, said a quick goodnight, and walked out the door. She still had no idea where she was going.

--

tbc


	2. Chapter 2

--

Alex stood in front of Bobby's building contemplating her next move. She wanted to see him so badly, but seeing him would also mean telling him. She closed her eyes and sighed. Pulling her jacket closed she turned and started back down the side walk toward her car.

_Chicken_. Her silent admonishment stopped her in her tracks; she went back to Bobby's.

"Alex, go in there…See him and talk to him. You have to do this," She was talking to herself; trying to shore up the encouragement to do the right thing, "just go see him. Act like nothings wrong and just say it. Don't make such a big deal about it."

Feeling confident she was ready, she sprinted up the steps of his building and opened the door.

--

Bobby was a little surprised to see her at his door that late on a Thursday night. He had fallen asleep on the couch so he shook his head a little in an attempt to wake himself up.

Seeing him sleepy and relaxed, she began to second guess herself, "I'm sorry, I should have called...or maybe not come at all," she itched her forehead a little in embarrassment, and made a step toward the elevator.

He reached out and touched her elbow, "No, no. I wasn't in bed, I had dozed a bit on the couch. Please… come in." He was trying to hide his puzzlement at her unexpected visit. He stepped back and as she moved past him he put his hand on her back to guide her through the door. Just touching her like that sent a wave of desire through him. _God, she can get to me so quickly_.

He couldn't help but check her out as she took her jacket off and handed it to him, she was in a black zip-up hoodie with a purple tank under it, jeans, and sneakers. He hung her jacket on a hook then followed her to his living room. As he approached her he caught the bemused look on her face when she saw what he was watching. "Is this actually a documentary about Jellyfish?!"

"Uh...yeah," he replied timidly, knowing she was going to tease him.

"Goren, you've got to be kidding me." She was shaking her head.

"Why?", he answered defensively, "they're actually very interesting creatures...did you know that-" She held her hands up to him, "STOP! I really, really don't want to know." He couldn't help but grin a little as she sat down at one end of the couch.

He moved to the couch, grabbed the clicker. and turned off the TV. She watched him as he set the clicker on to the coffee table and couldn't help but briefly stare. He had on black sweatpants and was still in his pale green dress shirt, but now the sleeves were rolled up and the top few buttons were undone. She thought he looked incredibly sexy. She found herself fighting the urge to touch his chest or run her hands through his curls.

"Is something wrong?" He couldn't help but ask because of the way she was looking at him. "Oh, no. Sorry, I guess I lost my train of thought for a second." She felt herself blush and she tried to hide it but the look on his face told her she was unsuccessful.

"So, Eames...what brings you here tonight?"

"Well, two reasons. First was I was thinking about Wally Stevens. You seemed to have grown a soft spot for him, and we were pretty hard on the guy today...I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"You mean, because he's my 'older, geekier brother'?" Lowering his head a little, he gave her a half smile and her heart began pounding.

"Well, you've gotta admit, there are similarities."

"Oh really...like what." Bobby was being playful with her, and she went right along with it. She loved it when he loosened up.

"Well, for one thing...you two look so much alike," her eyes sparkled as her smile grew, "although, I do have to say that I think he's much cuter."

"So you like his type?" Sounding very serious, he was trying not to laugh.

"Oh yes, very much so."

"You mean you have a thing for guys that are short, smart, and skittish?"

"Ahhhh, you just described by dream man."

"Hm." He gave her a frown.

"What does 'hm' mean, Bobby."

"Well...here I was thinking I might have had a shot with you, but I guess your savin' it all for Wally." He gave her his puppy dog look and she couldn't help but laugh. He did his best to continue to look dejected.

"But you know...Wally's goin' away for a very long time. And while you're not short," she slowly made her way over to him, "you sure are smart," she climbed on his lap, "and some people would definitely describe you as skittish," she ran her hands through his hair and kissed his neck, "and there is one thing going for you that Wally's missing." she switched sides of his neck, now sucking a little on him, "you...", kissed his jaw, "are...", licked his neck, "extremely...", sucked on his ear lobe, "sexy...", pressing her hips firmly into him she gave him a slow, seductive kiss on his lips.

When their kiss was done, he pulled back. They looked at each other and held their gaze.

He kissed her, hard. She kissed back. When it was over, they were both out of breath.

"So, I'm the next best thing to Wally Stevens." As Bobby said that, he unzipped her sweater, then he ran his hands up and down her body. Alex took the sweater off the rest of the way, tossed it behind her, then started on the buttons on his shirt, "I guess that's one way of looking at it." Bobby groaned as he pulled her tank top over her head and found she was braless. "Well, how else can you look at it?" His eyes were focused on her newly exposed breasts, then his hands covered them. By then Alex was done talking about Wally or anything else for that matter, "You know what? I really couldn't give a shit about him right now," she pulled his shirt apart and started kissing his chest, "I'm only thinking about how much I want you."

"You can have me any time you want, you know that." Alex stopped her assault on his chest. She was thrown by his words. _Once I tell you what I'm about to do, that's all gonna change. _

Bobby sensed her hesitation immediately, "Alex…does that bother you?"

She closed her eyes then gently kissed his neck. She was at war with herself. _Should I tell him now? Right now…and risk having him one more time? Or wait until later_. Her mind was racing, then she felt his hands run down her back and his fingers tucked into the waist band of her jeans. She felt those same fingers slowly rubbing back and forth along the top of her panties. _He's not making this easy for me_. After taking a deep breath she spoke softly, "Let's not talk right now, okay?"

Bobby dove into her mouth again. He was thrilled that she wasn't upset with him for what he said. He was certain she was going to tell him he made this too personal, so when she wanted to ignore it he was all for it. For the first time since she'd met him, he didn't read the signs.

"I like this." His voice was dark and sexy. He kissed her neck while one of his hands slid deeper down inside the back of her pants, finally taking a firm hold of her ass and pulling her center firmly onto his groin. He smiled as he heard her moan in response.

"Mmmm, Bobby," She pushed his shirt open all the way, then wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him, "I want you to make me come, I want you make me scream." Her mouth was right next to his ear.

Her words were like a drug, they intoxicated him; he wanted more. "Why should I?" His free hand moved up her back and grabbed a hold of her hair.

"You do that for me," she straightened up a bit and ran her hands over his chest. As she did that his hands came to meet and he unbuttoned her jeans. Then her hands moved to his shoulders, and she felt him unzip her jeans and tug them open as wide as he could. He slid a hand into her panties where he found her wet and ready for him. "Oh my God!" They said at the same time.

Then she remembered she was in the middle of a thought, breathlessly she reiterated what she had started to say, "You do that for me…and I promise you won't regret it."

"Sweetheart, I'll never regret anything I do for you." As Bobby said that, he lifted them up, then placed her on the floor of his living room.

--

tbc


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm 'glossing over' the more adult content in an attempt to keep this story rated T. I seem to have a hard time doing that, but I'm going to try.**

--

After making love on his living room floor, they moved into the bedroom. Bobby fulfilled his earlier promise to Alex and in fact, she returned the favor to him, much to both of their delight.

They were lying in bed, pressed against each other; her on her back, him on his side. After a few minutes of silence, he raised up on his right elbow and used his left hand to push some hair behind her ear. "Something's bothering you." He felt her stiffen, he stilled his hand.

"Is it us?" He held his breath waiting for her response.

"No, well, I don' t..." She squeezed her eyes shut and covered her face with her hands. He patiently waited for her, and when she removed her hands he could see tears in her eyes. Panic ripped through him. He started to move away but she quickly took hold of his arm then turned on her side to face him, "Stay here...please."

"Alex, if you have something to say..." She heard insecurity in his voice so she put both hands on his cheeks then kissed him gently, letting her lips linger on his before pulling away.

"Bobby, I do have something to talk to you about, but it's not what you think...I'm just nervous to talk to you about it."

"Are you ending this?"

"I hope not."

He raised his eyes a bit, "Well, I don't like the sound of that."

"It's just, what I have to say...I'm afraid you're going to want to end...whatever this is...once I tell you." Her voice cracked as she held back tears.

He looked at her for a minute, "Whenever you're ready." He waited for her to continue.

Alex cleared her throat and swallowed hard, "My sister, Beth…do you remember me telling you that she's had several miscarriages?"

He paused for a minute, already trying to figure out what she was going to say, "Yeah, she's been trying to have a baby for years but every time she gets pregnant she miscarries by the third month."

"Mmm, she does. Well, when she and I went to our uncle's cabin at Christmas time, she and I had a long talk. She asked me if I would ever consider being a surrogate mother for her and Steve."

"And you said yes." He tried his best to not sound freaked out about it.

"Not right away, I thought about it for a few weeks, but yes, I did tell her I'd do it." Alex could feel herself shaking from nerves.

Bobby stared at her, trying to take in what she just said. He could see her anxiety, but he wasn't about to console her just then. Emotions were swirling through him; he was going from being happy and proud of her, to feeling already lost and, in all honesty, he felt a lot of anger over not being told sooner. He knew he was being selfish but he couldn't help it; he didn't want things to change.

"Bobby…say something."

He started to move away one more time and again, she reached out to him. But this time, he took hold of her hands and stopped her while he rolled over and sat up with his back to her. Alex closed her eyes and shook her head.

"I knew you'd be mad." She was trying to sound calm but her voice betrayed her.

"Mad? I'm not mad," although he sounded it, "what I am is…" He quickly went to his dresser and pulled out a pair of pajama bottoms. After slipping them on, he leaned against the dresser with his arms crossed. By now she had sat up in bed, her legs crossed Indian-style under the sheet.

"When?"

"We're going to try after my next period…so sometime next month,"

Bobby tightened his lips and nodded his head.

"Should I leave?" She sounded worried.

_No!_ He wanted to scream. _Take back everything you said, and put us back to how things were just a few minutes ago!_ But he didn't say any of that, instead he said, "Yes."

Being a very strong woman, Alex doesn't let anyone see her upset, but this was different. Her tears spilled over as she walked past him to the living room to gather her clothes. As he listened, he and her heard her go into the bathroom, then come out a few minutes later.

He didn't move from his position, but he heard her sniffling as she left.

--

**6:00 a.m. the next morning at Alex's:**

"I'm a selfish bastard, and I'm sorry." He stood before her with dark circles under his eyes, clearly indicating he didn't sleep all night.

"You look how I feel," she said as she turned, leading him into her living room. She sat down on the couch but he paced in front of her.

"Bobby, you have every right to be upset."

"I don't think I do. Can I be surprised? Yes. Sad because I'll miss you? Yes. But upset? No."

"Why will you miss me? I'm not goin' anywhere."

He stopped his pacing and looked at her, "Alex…I'll miss what we've had for the past six months."

"But, like I said, I'm not goin' anywhere."

He raised his eyes a little, he was surprised by her remark, "Ah, no…there's no way I'm going to be able to, ya know, see you like this while you're pregnant."

She sat up straight on the cushion, "Bobby… people still have sex when their pregnant."

He put his hands up, "Not when it's someone else's baby inside you!" He started pacing again. "Look… Alex," he felt anger coming back and he tried to settle himself down, "listen, this is all still new to me. You've had the luxury of knowing about this for what, like six…seven weeks is it? Me…I just got the news… so I'm sorry if I'm not rushing out to congratulate you, and at the same time, sleeping with you whenever the mood hits."

Alex sat back into the couch again, "I'm sorry, but I didn't think I needed to consult with you on this. This was a personal decision, one that I made, and one I did not feel I needed to ask your permission for."

"That's right, I forgot! You've made it perfectly clear that this is just a fling for you. And that once you found someone else, someone better, we'd be through."

She knew he was trying to bait her, he wanted her to tell him her feelings. But she was so mad at him, she couldn't do it. She took a deep breath to stop herself from lashing out. Bobby watched her and he knew what she was doing, then he realized how unfair he was being.

He joined her on the couch but they didn't look at each other. "Bobby, like I said, you have every right to be upset. And you're right…I have had a long time to get used to this idea, but it's still hard for me, too. I know that this changes…everything…between us. And I'm really not sure if I'm ready for that. I mean, I was hoping we could still see each other, but I get what you're saying about that," she paused and turned herself toward him, sitting on one leg, "I gave them my word, so I'm going to go through with it. But Bobby, you need to know something…you just said we'd be through once I found someone better than you…but there is no way I ever could find someone like that. Because no one is a better man, or a better lover, than you."

Now he really wanted to scream at her. He wanted to know how she could abandon him if she really felt like that. He wanted to shout and throw things and show her how pissed off he was about this. But he couldn't. Instead, he had to do what was right. He had to tell her he understood, because she just made it perfectly clear her mind was made up, and if he stayed angry, he'd push her away for good.

"Alex, I think you're going to be a great surrogate," he felt like his insides were being ripped out as he spoke, "and I'll be here for you every step of the way."

She moved over and sat in his lap, her legs over his right thigh, their arms wrapped around each other. "I will admit to you that I'm scared to death."

"Is it okay that I am, too?" He kissed the top of her head and he felt her nod.

"Can we go to sleep?" she asked quietly.

"I'll tuck you in, but I have to go." They got up and he led her to her bed.

Once she was in bed she asked, "Why aren't you staying?"

He shook his head, "I just…can't."

"Can't, or won't?"

"Alex."

"You're still mad."

"Not mad, just…I just can't stay."

"Are you punishing me?"

He forced himself not to respond to her as he stood up, "Get some sleep, Alex…I'll see you at work."

"Bobby!"

"Alex, please. It's okay, I'm happy for you. Just let it go for now."

As she watched him walk out, her heart broke because she knew he was far from okay.

--

**a/n: I'm sorry if this has a lot of errors in it. I'm going to a spa with my sisters and mother, and I wanted to get this posted so Snyder had something to read while she's recovering *waves at Snyder*.**

**The next chapter will take a few days since I'll be gone until Monday night.**


	4. Chapter 4

--

When Alex got to work the next day, Bobby wasn't at his desk but she could tell he was some where nearby. She sat down, opened her laptop, and busied herself to avoid looking upset. She didn't like the way things were left the night before, but she knew it was important to give Bobby time to digest what she told him.

"Morning."

She was so deep in thought she hadn't noticed that he had sat down.

"Hi, Bobby." She spoke softly, almost timidly. Bobby noticed pain in her voice but jumped right into work.

"I've been going over the crime scene photo's again. Something is just not adding up but I'm not sure what it is."

"Want me to join you in there?"

"Okay, sure. Whenever you're ready."

"Let's go." They got up and she followed him into the conference room.

They spent almost an hour pouring over the pictures. It was all very professional and courteous and it was driving Alex nuts. The more he acted like nothing was wrong, even when they were in the closed conference room, the more she struggled with what to say to him.

--

The next few days were exactly like that morning, all business. Alex was hurt by his lack of emotions, but she was trying to understand. Finally at the end of one day she decided to ask him to get together. They were sitting at their desks when she brought it up.

"Bobby…can we talk later?"

"Ah, okay."

"How 'bout I make dinner?"

"I can't come for dinner, I'll stop by around nine or ten instead?"

Alex was disappointed. "Alright, what ever works for you."

He heard the sadness in her voice. He wanted to tell her he wasn't going on a date, but he had to let the moment pass because Deakins stopped at their desks.

--

**Later that night**

"Hot date?" She eyed him up as she opened her door. He was dressed in a black sweater with dark blue jeans, black shoes, and his leather jacket.

He gave her a shy smile, "Just dinner with a friend."

His answer left her unsettled, "Well, I hope your friend appreciated your outfit, I know I would have if you took me out lookin' like that." She spoke over her shoulder as she made her way into the kitchen. He couldn't help but admire her from behind as he followed her. She was in the same soft white v-neck sweater from earlier, but she had changed into a pair of faded jeans that were torn in a few places. He noticed how well the jeans fit her as she led him to the kitchen. Stopping in front of her sink, she took two glasses out of the drying rack then felt him right behind her. His chest lightly touched her back as he kissed her hair, "I got dressed like this to see you…my friend was a guy, Alex."

She let out the breath she didn't realize she was holding as she gently pressed her back into his chest then leaned her head against his shoulder, "Thank you." Her words sounded so soft and sexy to him. "For what?" He kissed her neck while he waited for her reply. "For telling me that… you certainly didn't have to." He didn't reply. Instead, he swept her hair off of her neck and continued kissing her as he ran his hands down her arms. She brought her hands down and grasped his hips. After a few moments like that, he kissed her hair one more time than stepped back and grabbed a seat at her table.

Alex felt him move away and immediately missed him being so close to her. She sighed, then spoke keeping her back to him, "I was going to offer you some water, but would you like a beer or something stronger instead?"

"Water's good, thanks."

She got them both water then sat down opposite him at the table.

"Bobby, the past few days… you've been so quiet. Do you want to tell me how you feel about the surrogacy now that you've had some time?"

"I feel a lot of things, Alex…but the biggest thing I feel is very proud of you for offering to do this for your sister. I'm sure it was not an easy decision to make." Bobby had his right forearm resting on the table while his left arm was up and his chin was resting on his palm. As he spoke he looked straight at her, making sure she knew how serious he was. Alex was sitting back in her chair with one leg tucked under the other, her hands were folded in front of her.

"No, it wasn't an easy decision. And even after I told them yes, I did have second thoughts."

"Why?"

"Honestly? Because of us."

Bobby closed his eyes and rubbed his hand over his mouth. As he opened his eyes, he leaned over the table and put his left arm down over his right one.

"Thank you for telling me that…it does make me feel a little better."

"Because now you know I did consider you and your feelings."

"Yes." He said softly.

"Because until just now, you were thinking I didn't."

"Yes."

"Why would you think that?"

"As I said before, I was being a selfish bastard. I sorta still am, if I'm being honest."

"How so?"

"I've always been a bachelor, and my whole life I've never had to put anyone else's wants before mine. When you told me what you were doing, I immediately thought of how your pregnancy would affect me…and I didn't like it. The other night… it wasn't my finest moment."

"Mmmm," she nodded her head, "but you know that once I have the baby -"

"No, don't do that. Don't make promises you don't know that you can keep…You don't know where either of us will be in a year or so from now."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Her mind went straight to work, and wondered if he was planning on requesting a transfer to get away from her.

"Not what you think," He said quickly, then he sighed, "Alex…what I'm trying to say is that neither of us know what our lives will be like in a year from now. Like you said once, you live your life, I'll live mine…we'll have to see where we are at that point."

She didn't hear any anger in his voice, she understood he was just trying to make a point. She knew he was right but it still hurt like hell.

Alex nodded. She put both feet on the ground and leaned forward; her hands reaching for his. He unfolded his arms and took hold of her hands.

"What else, Bobby…you said you're feeling a lot of things."

"Well, I'm also scared…I'm scared that something will go wrong. I don't want anything to happen to you."

"I'll be under my doctors' care…I'll be fine. Woman get pregnant and give birth all the time."

"Rationally I know that, but I still find myself worrying about your safety. Not only do I want you healthy…but… me being the selfish bastard that I am, when you first told me about this, all I could do was think of how awful it would be for me if something happened to you…See…I need you, Alex. I need you as my partner and I need you as my friend. I know it's not right to be so selfish, but I can't help feeling like that. I hope you can understand."

"I'll be fine, Bobby. Just believe that." She smiled at him.

"I really am very proud of you."

"Thank you, that means a lot me." She squeezed his hands.

He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it, then she ran her fingers over his mouth. He felt the familiar surge of blood to his groin; a reaction to her that she so easily elicited from him. He knew he had to leave before he did something stupid. "I should go." He said as he looked at his watch and got up from the table.

Walking toward the door, he grabbed his coat and turned back to Alex who was right behind him.

"Stay with me tonight, Bobby."

He put on his jacket and pulled her into an embrace. Her arms wound tightly around him. One hand lifted her chin and his kissed her tenderly, letting he tongue glide over hers. Before he pulled away he left a quick peck on her nose.

"I can't."

"Are we back to this again?"

"Alex, it would be my luck that something would go wrong with the condom and because of me, you wouldn't be able to do this for your sister. You'd end up hating me."

"Bobby, that's ridiculous!"

"I'm sorry," he kissed her one more time, "you have no idea how sorry I am."

Alex just nodded and pulled him in for one more hug.

--


	5. Chapter 5

--

**December 2003**

--

"I'm here at the store, are you sure you don't want to just tell me what you want for dinner?"

"No...it's okay...you decide."

He rolls his eyes and tries to remain patient with his very pregnant partner. "Well...can you just give me the ground rules one more time so I don't mess anything up?"

"I just want something dry."

He stops in an isle and rests his elbow on a shelf. "Dry…right." He repeats the word as if it makes perfect sense.

"Yeah, dry. You know...basically I don't want anything that can remind me of a crime scene or an autopsy...Nothing stewy or saucy - NO red sauce! No red meat, no spaghetti, nothing with skin, no olives."

"Olives?"

"Yes, Goren, olives."

"I don't get it."

"I've seen you poke into eyeballs one too many times to - " She cuts her self off and he hears her gag.

"Sorry, I get it now." He can't help but smile.

"Are you smiling?" Her tone is accusatory.

"What?" He replies a little dumbfounded.

"You sound like your smiling."

"I sound...like I'm smiling?" His smile widens.

"Don't try to make me sound like I'm crazy...you know perfectly well what I'm talking about."

He wasn't about to continue this argument with her so he set his face as if he was concentrating and changed the subject.

"How about I pick up -"

"NO!!"

"What! I haven't even told you what I'm thinking of!" He was trying to hide his exasperation.

"No, I mean, don't tell me what you're bringing...if you tell me what it is, I know I'll find something about it to gross me out by the time you get here. But if you just show up with it, I'm sure I'll like it."

He shook his head fast in utter confusion. "You're sure?"

"Yes. Just something dry."

"Dry. Got it. See you soon."

He hung up, took a deep breath, and began shopping.

--

Bobby placed a chaste peck on Alex's cheek as he enters her home.

"Sorry it took so long, I forgot I also had to stop at the dry cleaners." He eyed her up and down and gave her a big smile. "You look great."

"And you're a big, fat liar." She moved out of the way so he could pass her with the grocery bags. He heard humor in her voice, but he also knew she was fishing for reassurance that he still thought she looked good. He thought she looked adorable in her light brown sleeveless sweater and dark brown stretch pants. He noticed her belly seemed to have grown much larger since he had seen her a week earlier. With her being so short, he knew the baby would have no where to go but out, and she was really starting to resemble a woman with a beach ball stuffed under her shirt. He decided it was best to keep that thought to himself.

After he put the bags on the table, he turned back to Alex and put his hands on her shoulders. "Alex…you look great. You're beautiful." He couldn't help the shyness he suddenly felt and he knew she could see him begin to blush. Alex put her head down. "Thank you, Bobby." Then she made brief eye contact and offered him a tight grin. This made him straighten his posture and give his head a quick nod; he knew she believed even though she was too embarrassed to say so.

"Do you want to watch me cook, or rest?"

"Ugh, if I rest any more today I'm gonna scream."

"Sittin' around is really gettin' to you?"

"I haven't felt this bored and this useless in…well…ever."

"How was Thanksgiving? That must have been fun."

"Honestly, not really…no one would let me stand long enough to cook, or clean, or even set the table. Everyone told me to rest…they tiptoed around me like I could break any minute."

Bobby was leaning against the counter listening to her. He knew she wasn't a complainer so for her to open up to him it meant she had had it. He moved over to her and pulled her into a hug.

She was trying to bury her head in his chest but couldn't get the right angle. "Shit, I can't even hug you the way I want to anymore." She had been looking forward to doing that all day, but her belly was making her lean over in a way that made her back ache. She felt herself coming unglued so she pulled away and began to put away the groceries.

"Here, let me." Bobby made a move to help her and she glared at him. "Not you, too! Please don't treat me like I'm made of china."

"Oh…right…why don't you take care of that bag and I'll start cleaning the…uh…is it safe to tell you what I'm making yet?

She let out a huge sigh, put the bag on the counter, and began kneading her back with both hands. When she looked at him she saw his face, so full of trepidation, and she couldn't help but chuckle at him. He was simply lost as to what to do for her and she wasn't making it any easier on him.

"I'm sorry…I'm driving you crazy, aren't I?"

"No. Not at all, Eames."

"You're a good actor, Bobby…I almost believe you." They smiled at each other then went back to unpacking the groceries. Alex heard the familiar chirp of Bobby's phone and stopped moving to see if it was work. She watched him look at the display, then silence the ringing and stuff the phone back into his pocket. He didn't offer who it was and she didn't ask but it got her thinking.

"Where'd your apron go?" His eyes were scanning around the kitchen.

She grinned at him. "Second drawer down, over there…I actually washed it since the last time you used it." She watched him fish it out of the drawer. He caught her watching him and her grin grow wider.

"You get the biggest kick out of me using this."

"Goren, c'mon. It's pink with flowers on it…you have to realize the humor of you wearing that!"

"Hey, you bought it!"

"Nope, it was a gift, Mr. Smarty-pants." They had a nice chuckle at his expense before getting down to cooking. Alex watched him again. Before he put the apron on, he removed his navy suit coat, then slipped off his blue and gray checked tie and tucked it into his coat jacket. He draped them over the back of a chair. After loosening his shirt sleeves and the top two buttons on his light blue dress shirt, he put the apron on and went to work.

He quietly set out preparing the meal for them. Alex sat at the kitchen table and peppered him with questions about his mom, Lewis, and new cases he was working. He answered everything, knowing she was bored to tears and needed the interaction. He made the dinner and she was distracted enough to not get worried about the food.

Once dinner was almost ready, Alex set the table. As Bobby got their plates ready his phone rang again and he handled this call the same as before.

"Here you go, Eames." He set the plate in front of her hesitantly and watched her reaction as he removed the apron and sat down.

She took a look at her plate, then gave him a smile so big it lit her whole face up. He made her baked, boneless chicken, roasted zucchini, and a baked potato.

"Bobby, this is perfect!"

He let out a huge sigh of relief and it made both of them laugh. "I hope you don't mind…I cut it up for you so it would be more appetizing."

Alex couldn't help herself, she got up and went over to him. Bending at the waist, she planted a soft, sweet kiss on his lips, then another on his cheek. "That was very thoughtful of you."

Bobby closed his eyes and drank in the feeling of her lips on his own, then she moved to his cheek and he could smell her hair as it brushed up against his nose. He felt a little paralyzed by her proximity, and he was reminded of how much he missed her. His eyes were still focused on her as she moved back to her seat and picked up her fork.

They ate a few bites in silence before Alex spoke. "Bobby, this is exactly what I wanted…it's delicious…thank you." Bobby just shrugged his shoulders. "No big deal, I'm glad you like it." Meanwhile, he was inwardly doing cartwheels. Never in his life was shopping as difficult as it was for this meal. But, he knew he'd do it again tomorrow if she asked.

"So how's Bishop?" He heard the careful tone in her voice.

"Bishop…is…trying to put up with me." He waved his fork in front of himself. "Let's just leave it at that. I don't want to think about her anymore today."

"Sorry." She really did feel bad, knowing he was miserable working without her.

He saw the expression on her face and tried to brighten his tone. "It's really okay, Alex. I just don't want to think about work right now."

They fake smiled at each other then continued eating.

They were just finishing dinner when Bobby got a text message. He flipped his phone open, read the text, and quickly snapped the phone shut without replying to it.

"So what's her name?" Alex did her best to sound casual.

He knew she would know. He adjusted in his chair while he pushed a piece of zucchini around with his fork. "Uh…Janine." Then he waited; he wasn't going to offer more information than she was asking for.

"You been seein' her long?" Her heart was pounding.

He stacked their plates together. "Oh, I don't know, a few weeks, I guess." He gathered their silverware, doing everything possible to avoid her gaze.

Alex nodded slowly, her heart plunged into her stomach. She tried to smile.

"She's nice. You'd, uh, like her." He wanted the subject dropped. Fast. How was he supposed to tell her that Janine was just a poor substitute for who he truly wanted. He couldn't. _You live you're life, I'll live mine. How stupid_.

"Good for you." _I'm such a fucking liar._ Alex stood up. "Okay, you cooked, I'll clean."

Bobby stopped her. "I'm sorry, but there is no way I'm going to sit around when a eight month pregnant lady does all the cleaning. No Way."

"Lady?!" She teased.

"Well I was going to say a 'beautiful eight month pregnant woman' but I thought you'd kick my ass for using flattery in an attempt to get you to lie down." He put the apron back on.

"How about we do it together…the dishes, I mean." She smirked at him and it made him laugh out loud. "Deal."

They cleaned in silence, Alex was too deep in thought about his now not-so-secret texter to try any small talk. She was dying to ask him if there had been others before Janine. Her need to know was suddenly consuming her as she stood there with her hands stuck in soapy water, furiously scrubbing the dishes. Her mind was racing and she couldn't decide what would be worse, hearing there were many others, or hearing this one was the only one...and that perhaps it was serious. She was about to blurt out her question but she stopped herself. _His__ life! I have no right!_ She repositioned herself in frustration, hoping it looked like she was just trying to get a better angle on the baking dish. She began scrubbing so hard and so fast that she was splashing the water all over her shirt and the counter.

Bobby was pretending not to notice her reaction to the news of Janine but he caught it all. He saw the anxiety building in her ever since he got that text message. But he kept his mouth shut, he wasn't about to explain himself if she wasn't asking. Once he wiped the table off, he grabbed a dishtowel and dried the dishes. Then he took a good look at her and saw how tired she really looked.

"Okay...enough. You're done." He gently took her by her shoulders and backed her away from the sink. "Please, go take a break. I'll finish these up." His voice let her know she shouldn't argue, and the pain in her back and feet made it easy to comply.

"You're right, my feet are aching." She rinsed and dried her hands on the towel he was holding. "Break time...thanks, Bobby."

He watched her as she wobbled into her living room. He decided then and there that a foot massage was in her near future.

--

Alex was lying on her side on the couch. Bobby tapped her foot and she folded her legs so he could sit down. Once he was seated, he took her feet and rested them on his lap.

"I think you'll feel better barefoot." He tugged off her shoes, pulled her socks off one by one, and began to rub her feet lightly.

"Mmmmmm. That feels wonderful."

"Good." Her eyes were closed, his were open watching her. He massaged her feet, rubbing and kneading, firm yet gentle. Every once in a while she let out a small moan, or a sigh, or some other sound that drove him insane for her. She kept her eyes closed, he kept watching her.

Once he felt her feet were ready for a break, he slid a hand under the hem of her thin, stretch pants, expanding the scope of the massage. After a minute, he gently pushed the fabric on one pant leg up to her knee then inched himself along the couch toward her so more of her legs were on his lap. He spent a long time running his hands along her tight calf, tenderly squeezing and using his thumbs to get a deep, penetrating release of her over burdened muscles.

When he was finished with one calf, he pulled her pant back down then repeated the process on her other leg.

She was lost in the feeling of his hands on her, and having him close to her. As she was lying there, her eyes were closed because she was picturing his face. Not what it looked like right then, but what it looked like when his eyes were filled with desire, or when he kissed her, or when he hovered above her as he entered her. She thought about how his hands felt as he removed her clothes, or touched her breasts, or when he made her come. Her brain was toggling back and forth between what he was doing right then, and what he had done to her so many months ago. It had been over ten months since the last time she had him, and as wonderful as his massage was, her body was aching for more; more of his touch, more of him. Finally, after realizing how long he was massaging her for, she pulled herself out of her torturous thoughts.

"Holy hell, Bobby, that was pure heaven." Her soft voice made his heart swell. He missed her so much, he missed everything about her.

"It doesn't have to be over. I can move to your back…"

"As much as I would love to agree with you, I think it's time for dessert."

"Oh, no! Dessert...I completely forgot about picking some up." He smoothed her pant leg down.

"Well, I know it's cliché, but my freezer happens to be well stocked with several delicious flavors of ice cream."

"You stay put, I'll bring some in." He slid out from under her legs.

"Trust me, I'll be right here."

--

"So, Eames… you still seein' that guy…what's his name… Terry?" He threw the question out half way through ice cream. He was back on the couch. She was sitting more upright against the arm rest and her feet were tucked under his thigh.

Her spoon was momentarily stopped in her mouth. "Uh, no. No…that ended quite a while ago."

"Oh…well that's too bad, I guess."

"You guess." She snarked at him and he couldn't help a big shit-eating grin wash over his face.

"That's not fair, Goren. I was very cordial about your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend, she's just someone I date."

"Oh!" She chuckled. "Big difference to you, huh?"

"Yes, definitely."

"How so?" Alex was very curious as to how he was going to rationalize Janine.

He fidgeted a little and put his bowl down on the table. After swallowing hard he put his head down and spoke without looking at her. "I consider a date to be someone who I go out with on occasion, and I have fun with, but I don't want to see exclusively, or very often. A girlfriend, on the other hand, is a woman that I have a strong connection with. Someone that I share with intimately, someone that I want to be with all the time."

She waited before she spoke. "My guess is that you don't have a girlfriend very often."

"And you would be right." He was about to leave it at that, but before he knew it he was continuing. "Alex…Janine and me…well…I haven't slept with her."

Alex shook her head in disbelief. "I don't need to know this, Bobby."

He turned to face her better and put a hand on her leg. "I told her I needed to take things slowly, because I was -" He stopped himself, realizing she knew what he was going to say without needing to say it.

"Okay, I get it."

"I thought I could, but I can't…I've tried…with her and others…but I can't."

Bobby picked up his bowl and continued eating. Spoons scraping the last bits of melted ice cream was the only sound for a long time. He put her bowl under his and put them on the table, then rested his feet along side them.

"It's a shame, really." She scooched herself down a little and turned slightly onto her side as she spoke.

"What's that."

"Terry…Janine…they don't know what they're missing…they'll never know what two sexually frustrated adults they were dealing with."

He stared at her. "Excuse me? You're…frustrated?"

"Oh, come on, Goren…you must have read the pregnancy books, haven't you ever heard that some woman become extremely…shall we say…aroused during pregnancy."

His jaw hung slack as what she was saying became clear. "And you're one of those woman?"

"Unfortunately for me, yes…Let's just say now I know why it would be very helpful to have a husband or boyfriend around."

Bobby let his head fall back against the back of the couch. "I did not need to know that."

Alex nudged him with her foot but he didn't look at her. "I'm sorry. I thought it would help to know that -"

"No - no Eames…it's quite alright. Let's just drop it."

"We can talk about Bishop again!"

"Or, we can talk about the baby shower you had to endure." He looked over at her and raised his eyebrows. "That must have been fun, being on display and all."

"Ooooh, you have no idea what torture that was. I had to sit there next to my sister the whole time like I was an exhibit at the Bronx Zoo. Her friends and co-workers didn't even talk to me, they had no idea what to say to the person who was carrying their friend's baby. So I just sat there while they stared and whispered. I should have charged them to take a picture with me, I could have made a fortune." She shook her head in disgust. "And why do women get so excited about t-shirts and little bathtubs anyway?"

He smiled at her and rubbed her leg a little. "I don't know why, Eames. I'm not one of them, you are…you should know why they do that."

"Yeah, me the cop…I'm right on that."

"Well, you were also a prom queen." He nodded his head while he teased her. "I think that title alone would give you every reason to know why girls behave the way that do."

She glared at him. She was about to give him a wise-ass remark when she felt a strong kick. "Whoa - ow!"

He straightened up and looked worried. "What's wrong?" He squeezed her leg a little.

"Nothing, it's just…ow!" She adjusted her position a little. "This little bugger is kicking me and it hurts."

"Well, what can I do?" His eyes were wide with concern.

"You can't fix it, Bobby, he'll stop soon."

"C - can I feel?"

"Sure. Have you ever felt a baby kick?"

"No, but I've always wanted to."

"Well then, c'mere."

He got up off the couch and squatted next to her. She took his hand, placed it on her belly. They stayed there quietly for a long time, but the baby didn't kick again. She could see he was getting discouraged, she had an idea.

"Sometimes it helps to move around a bit." She made a motion to get up so he straightened up, then took her hand and arm and helped her to her feet. He watched her as she walked around the living room, then through the kitchen and back again. He noticed she wasn't wobbling like she was earlier, he was sure it was because of his handy work. "I'm gonna use the bathroom, be right out." He remained standing, waiting for her to come back. She came out wearing a pair of dark blue maternity shorts and a light blue cotton tank. Her make up was washed away and her hair was a little messy after changing her clothes.

"Okay, now follow me." She led him into her bedroom. She turned on a small lamp that was on her dresser. The light was soft, allowing just enough of a glow to see each other. "I can't lie on my back, it's bad for circulation, I have to be on my side." He pulled back her blankets then helped her onto her bed. After that he stood there, not knowing what to do next. She looked at him expectantly. "Come on…" Bobby took off his shoes, then removed his belt, rolled it up, and tucked it into one of his shoes. He sat on the edge of the bed. "I think you'll be more comfortable if you lie down behind me." He stopped short and stared at her. "I'm not sure if this is such a good idea, Alex."

"C'mon, Goren, I won't bite." He tilted his head and gave her a look of exasperation.

"Seriously, Bobby…I want you to feel this."

He tentatively got up and walked to the other side of the bed as she lay down on her left side. Slowly he made his way over to her, then he pressed his chest against her back. Being in her bed, feeling her against him, smelling her hair, it was all too much. His heart was beating fast, he had to remind himself why he was there. The baby.

Her legs were bent, so he did the same with his; molding himself into her form. He tucked his left arm under the pillow they were sharing; he rested his right hand on her hip. She lifted her shirt and pushed down her shorts. She took his hand and laid it on her belly, then rested her own hand over his. He felt her bare skin and leaned up a little to look at her protruding stomach. "Wow."

"I know, it's huge…and I don't even want to think about the stretch marks."

He pushed up on his left hand, leaned over and kissed her belly. "It's big because there is a baby inside…That's incredible, Alex. And it's beautiful…you're beautiful." He kissed it again before laid back down.

"Just wait a sec." Once she felt movement, she slid his hand over to feel it too. She heard a quick intake of breath from him when she felt a soft kick. "It's okay to press down a little, you won't hurt me or the baby." When he didn't respond she pressed his hand deeper onto her belly, they were rewarded with a good, strong kick. "Oh my God, there's a baby moving around in there!" He was in awe of what he was experiencing. She held back laughter, she didn't want to embarrass him, so she remained quiet while he began to move his hand all around her swollen tummy.

"Does he do that all the time?" His innate thirst for knowledge on the subject was just being quenched.

"I'll feel things on and off throughout the day, but like most babies, he seems to be rocked to sleep by motion. So when I lie down, it must wake him up because just when I'm ready to sleep, he's tossing and turning in there like he's doin' the Twist or somethin'."

Right on cue, the baby moved quite a bit. Bobby lifted his head off the pillow a little. "This is amazing, Alex!" She heard the excitement in his voice, she couldn't see his face but she was certain he must be wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

"I'm glad you think so, Bobby." She removed her hand from his. "Hang on…" She felt around, searching over smooth skin for something that felt like it was poking out. Once she found a good spot, she moved his hand over it. "Press down" He did. "Whoa…what is that?"

"That's either an elbow, or a foot, or a knee."

He used his fingers to explore the bump. "I wish I knew what it was." Just as he said that, whatever the mystery bump was poked out a little more. "Ow!" Alex said. "Cool!" Bobby said at first but then heard her. "That hurt you, are you okay?" Now he was propped up on his elbow, looking down at her. "It hurt but I'll be fine. It's all part of the deal."

Bobby pressed a little and felt a poke. "Did that hurt you?"

"No."

He did it again, and he felt another poke. "Alex…is he…"

"Yeah, I think he is responding to you. I do that with him sometimes, too. Pretty wild, huh?"

"Unbelievable." He responded with obvious amazement in his voice.

She could feel herself drifting off despite the baby's kicks. "I might fall asleep…but stay as long as you want."

He kissed her cheek as he continued to exploring her belly for more movement. "I might stay a little longer if you don't mind…this is so cool…I'll lock the door behind me when I leave."

"Sounds good. And Bobby…thank you for dinner, and for putting up with me and my strange demands."

"They're not strange demands…and you're welcome. Any time, Alex." He kissed her bare shoulder. "And thank you for sharing this with me. I never knew…"

"Well, I'll still be like this for about month or so…so if you need another fix…" Her voice was fading as she gave into sleep.

He pulled the blankets up over them, then rested his head back down behind hers, snuggling it into her hair. He spent the next couple of hours wide awake, bonding with the baby that was residing in his partners' belly, realizing how much he wished he was the one who put it there.

--

Alex woke up in Bobby's warm embrace. He still had his hand resting on her stomach. As wonderful as it felt, she was hotter than hell, and she had to pee. She carefully slid off the bed and tip-toed to the bathroom.

He woke up as soon as he felt her move. He watched her as she came back into the room.

"Hi…sorry, I guess I fell asleep, too." He began to get up.

She cracked a window open then slowly got back into bed. "You don't have to leave…it's 4:45 already, just sleep a little more."

He sighed. He wanted nothing more than to snuggle back up to her. "But I have work, I don't have clothes."

"Didn't you say you went to the cleaners?" She was on her side facing him and moving toward him.

"Uh, yeah."

"Well then it's settled. Stay here. But, Bobby…one thing."

"Anything." She knew he meant it.

"I want to be on my right side now… so can we switch sides?"

"Oh, of course." She moved over to his side of the bed as he carefully climbed over her. Once she was comfortable, he spooned her again.

"This is nice, Bobby. I like having you here." She snuggled up against him as she whispered her confession.

"I like being here."

"Come back anytime. Please."

They fell back to sleep in each others arms.

--

For the remainder of her pregnancy, Bobby was a frequent overnight guest. Needless to say, he never called Janine back.

--


	6. Chapter 6

**--**

**June 2004**

They were working diligently, elbow deep in paper work, just trying to get through the rest of the day. Bobby was the first to break the silence. "Do you have to be there early or can I pick you up so we can go together?"

Alex was a bit confused. "Huh?"

"Tomorrow."

"Oh! Uh, I only have to be there like ten minutes early. So if you don't mind that, sure…you can pick me up."

"So then…"

"Come by around noon in case of traffic. We can always grab a cup of coffee if we're too early."

Bobby nodded his agreement with the plan. "I got him a Savings Bond and a couple of books. You think that's okay for a baptism gift?"

She smiled at him. "I think it's perfect…Something for him to put away and save, and something he can enjoy now." He put his head back down but she studied him for a little while. "Oh," he picked his head back up when he heard her start to say something, "don't forget to bring some shorts or something. It's just a casual barbecue after the christening." He nodded again. "Got it."

"What uh, what color is your dress by the way?"

"Green and white…why?"

"Dark green?

"No, I'd say more like a grassy green…why?"

"Just wondering." He quickly put his head back down, leaving her to wonder what the heck he was up to.

--

Alex heard him knock and smiled to herself as she approached the door. _Always the gentlemen_. "You know, Bobby, you could have just called me to tell me you're here. You didn't need to deal with par-" She took one look at her partner and had stopped mid-sentence to catch her breath. "What?" He thought he did something wrong. "Wow! New suit for the occasion?" He had on a navy blue Armani suit with a crisp white shirt and a navy, green, and white striped tie. His hair was trimmed and he was freshly shaved. She stepped forward and ran her hand down both sides of his face. "You even went to the barber." She leaned up to kiss his cheek, he bent down to accommodate her. "You look great, Bobby." She smiled at him and as she pulled away she ran her hand down his tie. "And now I know why you asked me what color my dress was. We match perfectly." He gave her a very shy, "Thank you."

As she moved away he was able to check her out. The first thing he saw was her hair. It was swept up and pulled back. Just a few loose pieces fell around her face. He remembered she had her hair like that the night of Deakins' Christmas party. He loved it then but hadn't seen her wear it like that since. Her dress was sleeveless with a v-neck. It had small squares of green and white, and it stopped about two or three inches about her knees. It had a beautiful tapered waist, showing off the fact that she was already back in pre-pregnancy shape. She was wearing a pair of conservative white shoes with a tall heel. Her jewelry was simple but elegant. She had on a short pearl necklace and pearl stud earrings. "Alex…you look fantastic." She watched him as his eyes scoured her face and body over and over, she felt herself begin to blush. "The dress is okay for church? Not too short, right?" He moved closer to her, still admiring her dress and how it fit her. "I think it's a beautiful dress, and you are going to be the prettiest godmother that anyone in that church has ever seen." He used his thumb and pointer finger to lift her chin up as he placed a soft kiss on her lips. After the kiss he took in a big breath and let it out slowly. "Let me carry your things for you." She put her head down; she had to really. If she looked at him any longer, they weren't going to make it to the church on time. "It's just those things on the couch." She turned away, grabbed her purse, and opened the door for him as he picked up a bag and her gift.

--

They arrived at the church just after Beth, Steve, and Nathan. Alex and Bobby greeted them, then Bobby walked about half way down the isle and took a seat in a pew. He sat down just as Beth handed Nathan over to Alex. Bobby watched her was she kissed and hugged the baby. His heart ached for her. He knew how hard it was for her after she gave birth. He was there in the hospital with her as much as he could be. He watched her family fawn all over Nathan, while not paying too much attention Alex or her emotional state. He knew they didn't mean to do that to her, she always put up a good front. But he knew. He knew how sad she was. And she liked to have Bobby there because he was there only for her.

Once she was home from the hospital, she had asked him to stay over just about every night, she didn't want to be alone. He ended up staying with her for a little more than three weeks. He was there when she'd cry herself to sleep at night, she loved being wrapped in the safety and comfort of Bobby's arms. She also wanted his companionship though the really hard times. They were almost as hard for him as they were for her. He was there for her when her milk came in, then dried up; causing her such despair, knowing she would never have the chance to breast feed Nathan. He made several trips to the store for pads as her body shed the last remaining evidence that she had given birth. And when she was done bleeding, he witnessed first hand the brief depression she fell into when she realized the it was all over. He tried to help her as best as he could. Sometimes she let him, other times she pushed him away. But even when she did that, he never took it personally, he knew there were some things she needed to do on her own. Eventually, she stopped asking him to stay over and he stopped feeling like he had to check in on her a couple of times a day. He was happy for her when he realized she was putting her life back together. She started working out, she went back to work, and she started to go with friends. Five months later, he didn't think she had dated anyone since she gave birth, but he wasn't totally certain.

He did, though. Once he felt like she was on her way to recovery, he tried to get his life in order as well. He forced himself to date, but never had more than one or two dates with the same woman. Although he did finally allow himself to sleep with a few. The first time was a quick one. He was never so fast in all his life, but he wasn't surprised either because it had been such a long time since he had had sex. The next time, well, that one ended badly. He called out Alex's name at the most critical of moments. He was thrown out of her place in about ten seconds flat. He had just had another date a few nights prior to the christening. She was a wild woman who easily took care of his needs and really didn't care that he left her bed soon afterward. He could tell she was looking for a no-strings-attached relationship, he thought he might end up calling her again.

Bobby suddenly realized what his thoughts were and where he was sitting so he switched gears, hoping nobody in the church saw him daydreaming. Apparently he had been in his thoughts for quite a while, about three dozen people had arrived without him noticing. He looked around, then he saw John Eames come toward him. Bobby stood up and extended his hand to Alex's dad. "Hi, John. It's good to see you again." John shook Bobby's hand back. "Bobby, my boy, so go to see you, too." Bobby's eyes lit up and a wide smile grew across his face. "Please, come sit up here with the rest of the family." _The rest of the family_. Bobby's mouth hung open a little when he heard those words. "No, no, sir, I'm fine here." John put his hand on the younger man's shoulder. "No, you're not fine back here. We saved you a spot, so c'mon. It's where you belong." Bobby rubbed the back of his neck. "Okay, I'll follow you." John could tell he threw Bobby off a bit, but he wanted to make sure that Alex's partner knew just what the family thought of him.

Bobby was led up to the front of the church. Everyone there said a hushed hello to him as he kissed Mary Eames on the cheek, then folded himself into a spot in the pew directly behind Alex's parents. Once he was seated, he gave her family a quick, shy wave. He noticed that everyone was there. Her oldest brother Kevin and his wife Sarah, along with their two boys, Ryan and Will, were sitting along side Alex's parents. Her next oldest brother Tommy and his wife Nina were at the end of that pew. They have two small children who were running around in the back of the church with their nanny. Next to Bobby was Alex's brother Jimmy and his new wife Kerry. Jimmy is only eleven months older than Alex; Irish twins. He and Alex fought like cats and dogs growing up. Beside Jimmy and Kerry was the baby of the bunch, Sean. Sean was a caboose baby. Two years after John and Mary had Alex, they had Beth and they thought they were done. But six years later, Sean came along. He was still single and enjoyed playing the field. He always too such joy in making sure his married older brothers new the fun they were missing out on. Bobby quickly scanned the other side of the isle and sized up Steve's family. They were a considerably smaller bunch. After studying them, Bobby determined that the man next to Steve's parents had to be a brother. The guy looked almost exactly like Steve. He was seated next to his wife and their two children. At the end of that pew was one more woman. Bobby figured she was the wife of the godfather. The rest of the church looked to be cousins and friends. He wondered if any of the women from the baby shower were there; the one's who made Alex feel so bad. He was hoping they weren't. He was also hoping no one was going to say anything stupid to her after the ceremony. He decided he would try to stay close by her to run interference.

During the service, Bobby couldn't take his eyes off of Alex. He thought she looked knock-out gorgeous. He knew she wasn't the type of woman he had normally been attracted to, but she had something about her that drew him to her right from the start. After they first slept together, he stopped trying to figure out what it was and just let himself fall for her. He watched her with Nathan in her arms as the water was poured over his hair, and his forehead was blessed with the oil. Nathan began to cry and she instinctively pulled him close to her and as the baby settled down, Bobby saw a small smile creep onto Alex's face. He couldn't help but smile, too. She and Nathan were bonded together forever, it made Bobby feel good for her.

After the ceremony, it was picture time. Beth and Steve hired a professional photographer for the occasion. There were pictures taken of the entire family, of each smaller family unit, and of the parents and godparents with Nathan. Then there were individual pictures with the baby. Parents first, then godparents, and so on. When it was Alex's turn she called Bobby over to her. "I want both of us with him." Bobby felt a surge of pride run through him as he stood next to Alex. He wrapped his arm around her waist and she turned a little toward him while holding Nathan. Then, she handed the baby to him and another picure was taken. Bobby suddenly became very aware that every person in Alex's family had their eyes on him and Alex. He could hear whispers from the girls and cat-calls from her brothers, and then he heard Mary say in an Irish whisper, "Don't they make a beautiful couple?" Alex must have heard her mother, too, because she gave Bobby's waist a quick squeeze. Bobby looked down at Alex and gave her a wide smile, and as she looked back at him the photographer snapped another shot.

--

"I was right, you know." He glanced at her as he drove them from the church to her sister's house. "About what?" She was looking out the passenger side window. "You were the prettiest girl there. And I'm certain that if I asked that priest, he would have told me you were the prettiest girl he'd ever seen." He was giving her a dashing smile as he looked over at her again.

"You callin' my family ugly, Goren?" She was smirking but still not looking at him.

"Uh, no Detective. What I said was you were the prettiest." He emphasized the 'est' part of prettiest. "You're family is very nice looking…and I may be slightly impartial, but you are by far the most beautiful in the group." He gave her a flirtatious grin, then lowered his eyes and checked out her hemline.

"Man…you sure are working it today." She shook her head as if she thought he was full of it. He knew she was teasing him.

--

Beth's house was busy with people, mostly Eames'. As soon as they got there, Alex led Bobby right upstairs so they could change. She showed him a bedroom and began to walk out. "Need help getting' out of that dress?" She stopped short, turned around, then closed and locked the door behind her. "Not a bad idea." She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. Bobby wasn't expecting her to do that, but it didn't take him long to respond. His arms went around her waist and he bent down into her kiss. Her lips rubbed against his, then he felt her part her lips so he did the same and their tongues met. It was the first time in a very long time that they had a kiss like that. It was sexy and powerful, and just as they began to deepen the kiss there was a banging at the door. "Aunt Alex…are you in there?" They stayed wrapped in each other's arms. "Let's pretend I'm not," she whispered. More banging. "Aunt Alex?!" She slowly let go of him and went to the door. "I'm just getting' changed, I'll be right out, Ry."

"I'm lookin' for Bobby. Do you know where he is?"

Alex put her hands up to her face. "He's gettin' changed, too."

Silence. Followed by, "In there?"

Shit. "Ryan?"

"Yeah, Aunt Alex?"

"I'll be out in a minute." She was hoping to throw him off track by stating a fact.

"But -" Persistent little guy that he was, he wasn't falling for it.

"Let me get changed, then we'll find Bobby together, okay?"

"Okay."

She heard him run away.

She turned back to Bobby and saw that he was he was already out of his dress shirt and he was zipping up his jeans. She walked over to him as he put on his other shirt, it was a soft yellow and white stripped cotton button down. He left it untucked.

"Damn. I really wanted to do that." She ran her hands up and down his chest. "You look really nice in yellow. You never wear it." She buttoned up his shirt for him, then rolled up his sleeves. He watched every move she made with growing interest.

When she was finished rolling his sleeves, she unpinned her hair, then looked up at him. "It's a shame I got short changed on the deal, because if I got to undress you, I was gonna to ask you to do this…" She removed her shoes, then raised her arms up and waited for him to slide her dress over her head. He knew he shouldn't. He knew they were playing with fire right there in her sister's house. But he couldn't resist her. Slowly he took the dress by the waist and hoisted it up and over her head. He let it to the floor, put his hands back on her now naked waist, and kissed her neck.

Suddenly self-conscious of her belly and it's stretch marks, she covered it with her hands. Bobby shook his head at her. "Don't be scared to let me see you." She lowered her head and leaned it against his chest. "I'm sorry but I am." He kissed her head. "You're not ready for this yet, Alex." He felt her shake her head no as she started to cry. "But Bobby, I am…I want you so badly. I'm just…well…I don't look the way you're used to seeing me."

They were disrupted again by banging at the door. He turned her face up and wiped away her tears, "Let's talk about this later, okay?"

"Okay." She sniffled and smiled at him.

"Hey, Aunt Alex! I still can't find Bobby!" He jiggled the knob.

"Ryan! Can you count to a hundred?" Her exasperation was quite clear.

"Yup."

"Good, do that. Then I'll be out!"

"K." She heard him slide down the door as he began counting out loud.

"Oh boy." She laughed again. "He's cute." Bobby remarked as he watched her change into a pair of dark blue capri pants and a light blue short-sleeved shirt. They hung their clothes up and went to the door just as Ryan hit eight-five. Alex reached for the door but Bobby took a hold of her first, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"I'm not in any rush, Alex."

"I sure am. You looked so damn good in that suit today." He heard the humor in her voice.

"One Hundred!" Ryan shouted from the other side of the door and they pulled away from each other.

Alex rolled her eyes and opened the door. She saw her nephew's eyes go wide when he saw Bobby right behind her. "You were hiding him on me the whoooole time?!"

"Yup!"

Bobby moved around her and scooped Ryan up like a football. "Let's go play outside."

She watched them disappear down the stairs.

--

Alex followed them down to the party. She picked on some veggies and made small talk for a while, then went out on the deck to find Bobby and Ryan. They were playing soccer in the yard with the rest of the young kids. Bobby was put in goal and the kids were having a great time blasting the soccer ball at him.

Her sister-in-law, Sarah, came up next to her. "You've got a good one there, Al…Don't lose him."

Alex scoffed at the remark. "He's my partner, Sar, nothin' more."

"Not according to Ryan. He said you had Bobby locked in a room upstairs and you wouldn't let him come out and play." Sarah gave Alex a knowing look.

Alex turned beet red. "No, he misunderstood. Bobby was just getting' changed."

"Uh, huh. Then why are you so red?"

"Sarah, it's just it's -"

"Say no more, Al. You're alright by me. He is, too. But I do stand by my earlier statement, don't lose him." She gave Alex's shoulder a squeeze as she walked away.

Alex stood there watching as the kids knocked Bobby over and dog-piled on top of him. She heard his fake cries for help as he pretended they overpowered him. Several other grown-ups took note and began egging the boys on. Once she thought everyone had enough fun, she went and rescued him.

They spent the rest of the afternoon at each other's sides. Nathan was the center of attention, but Bobby and Alex were getting quite a bit of their own. Her family always made him feel welcome, but lately he noticed it even more so. He decided it must have something to do with how he helped Alex after Nathan was born. Several phone calls made by different family members to Alex's house were answered by Bobby. He would either pass the phone over or explain why she couldn't talk. For several weeks after she gave birth, anyone who stopped by were greeted not by Alex but by her partner. They could see how much he cared for her, and how much she cared for and depended on him.

Throughout the day, the Eames' family was busy keeping tabs on everything Bobby and Alex were doing. Every glance, smile, or small touch did not go unnoticed or unreported. The family had a good, quiet laugh when Steve's mother stopped in front of them and asked them 'how are the newlyweds doing?'. Bobby shifted uncomfortably as Alex explained that they were not the newlyweds. "Oh, I'm sorry! It's just I couldn't help but notice how happy you two look together." She smiled kindly and Alex patted Bobby's thigh as she gave a snarky reply, "That should have been the clue that we aren't married." Bobby laughed lightheartedly to let the poor woman know that Alex was attempting humor. Steve's mom just smiled in confusion then walked away. Bobby put his arm around Alex, then leaned over, his mouth right against her ear as he whispered, "You are so bad." They both giggled like school kids. Her family watched it all with fascination.

Bobby felt like getting up for a little while. He started across the yard to check out what the kids were up to, but he got pulled aside by Jimmy, Alex's nemesis brother. At the same time, Jimmy's wife, Kerry sat down next to Alex.

"So, Kerry…how is being married to my brother? Sick of him yet?"

Kerry laughed. "Not yet! He's still on his best behavior though, so we'll see."

They both laughed.

Kerry motioned over toward Jimmy and Bobby. She looked at them for a moment before she spoke, "I must say, he sure is adorable."

Alex looked at her brother. "Yeah, he was a real pain in the ass growing up, but he always was cute."

Kerry paused. She looked at Alex and leaned over toward her, allowing their arms to touch. "Al, I was talking about Bobby."

Alex blushed. "Oh."

"If I can be blunt here…do you have any idea how fuckin' hot your partner is? I mean, look at him, Al…he's gorgeous!" They both glanced back at the men. Bobby had his hands in his pockets, Alex noticed how irritated he looked. _Huh, leave it to Jimmy to piss Bobby off so quickly_, she snarked silently to herself.

Just then, Bobby looked over at Alex and smiled at her when their eyes met.

Kerry couldn't help herself. "Ugh, geez, Al! How can resist him?!"

Alex didn't want to let Kerry in on what she really felt. "Yeah, you're right, Ker, he is really handsome. But I do to resist him because we're partners."

Kerry shook her head. "Well, as long as you keep bringing him around here, I'll be a happy girl."

Meanwhile, Jimmy was trying to get information out of Bobby while they stood in the yard.

"So, you and my sister...what's up with that?"

Bobby stood still and gave a slight tilt of his head. "What's up with that? What do you mean...what's up with that?" Jimmy missed the agitation in Bobby's voice.

"You know...you...Alex..."

Bobby narrowed his eyes and set his jaw. "What are you insinuating, Jimmy?"

Then Jimmy saw the look in Bobby's eyes and realized that while he may have intended to 'poke the bear', he wasn't expecting Bobby's demeanor to turn that angry quite so fast. He was expecting more along the lines of nervous defensiveness. But Jimmy was just like his sister when it came to intimidation, he didn't fall victim to it very easily.

"I don't think I'm insinuating anything, Bobby. What I'm asking you is this, what is up with you and Alex. I know you're partners, but you two are definitely closer than any partner my dad or brother ever brought home. And I want to know what -"

"Let me guess…you want to know what my intentions are regarding your sister?" Bobby's tone was menacing, he didn't like being questioned about anything, let alone his motives involving Alex.

Jimmy tried to gently diffuse the situation. "Look, I think this whole conversation started out wrong. Let me back track here."

Bobby relaxed his shoulders a little and nodded his head.

"Bobby, I like you...our whole family likes you. You've been a good partner and friend to Alex, you've always treated her right. And I know that Alex and me...well we got on each other about everything our whole lives. You ask anyone and they would tell you we just don't get along. But the thing is, she and I are close in our own way. And truthfully, I love her...I feel closer to her than to Beth or any of my brothers. She's always been my favorite sibling. And even though we'd beat the livin' shit out of each other growing up, I've always looked out for her, ya know?"

Bobby stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth a little. "I get that, she's a great girl."

Jimmy patted Bobby's shoulder. "She is a great girl, and that's my point. She's a great girl who deserves to be respected and taken care of the right way. And Bobby, I just want to make sure that if you're the one she wants those things from, that you're able to give that to her. Because Alex...she's special to me, and I don't ever want to see her hurt again."

Bobby gave a small, fake laugh. "Geez, Jimmy, that almost sounded like a threat."

"And if it was a threat...what would you say about it?"

Bobby pondered the younger man in front of him. He saw a brother who was taking a stand for his sister, and he respected him for it. "I'd say 'good for you, and good for Alex'. I'm happy that she has you watching out for her." When he finished speaking he stole a quick glance up at Alex. He smiled at her when their eyes met, then he looked back at Jimmy.

Jimmy knew a dodge when he heard one. "That's nice, but what do you have to say about the rest of what I said?"

"I'd say that what Alex and I feel for each other is private, it's between us. But I will tell you this, as long as I am part of her life, I will do everything in my power to keep her happy and safe from harm." He held his hand out to Jimmy. "You have my word."

Jimmy looked at Bobby, than at his hand, and extended his own. They shook hands then began walking back to Alex and Kerry. On their way over Bobby couldn't help but ask Jimmy some thing. "Did you give that speech to every guy Alex brought around?"

Jimmy laughed. "Not every guy. Some of them I'd pick out as a loser right off the bat. Those guys...I would just shove them against the wall and tell them if they even so much as looked at my sister for too long, my brother's and I would find him. And that would be that. Other guys... the ones that weren't total losers but not good enough for Alex just the same…we'd give them nasty looks and be real hard asses to them, but we'd wait 'em out because we knew Alex would eventually move on from them." Jimmy paused for a minute before he continued. "But this speech...this speech, or some variation of it, was reserved for the guys that Alex was obviously crazy about. Kevin, Tommy and I… We could always tell the difference."

Bobby gave Jimmy a quick, nervous smile but kept walking. It was the first 'tell' that Jimmy detected. "And Bobby, there were only two other guys who ever heard that speech. One was her college boyfriend, and the other was Joe."

Bobby stopped short, then turned and looked at Jimmy. Their eyes met then they continued walking; neither said another word.

--

It was very early evening, Bobby and Alex were sitting on the deck. Nathan had just woken up from a nap and Alex had just finished feeding him a bottle. He drained it dry, then Alex lifted him in Bobby's direction. "Will you do the honors?" He looked from Nathan to Alex then back to Nathan. "Uh, sure." She watched Bobby as he propped Nathan up on his knee, rested the baby's chest against his hand while supporting his neck with his fingers, then used his other hand to rub and pat Nathan's back. It didn't take long before the baby let out a loud burp. Bobby kept Nathan like that for a little while longer, making sure he had all the burps out. Then he tucked the baby in the crook of his arm and settled back in the chair. "I'm gonna get us more beer." Alex got up, leaving Bobby alone with Nathan.

Before Alex could get back to him, Beth stopped her. "Lex, look at Bobby…what's he doing?" Alex looked over and saw Bobby looking intently at Nathan as he carefully touched different parts of the baby's body. "What do you mean, Beth?" Beth looked at Bobby again, then leaned toward her sister. "It's like he's examining Nathan. I saw him do that in the hospital, and each time he came with you to visit us. It's odd…no?" Alex rolled her eyes. "What isn't odd about Bobby?" They both giggled a little. Then it dawned on Alex. She knew exactly what he was doing. She gasped a little and put her hand to her mouth. "Lex, what is it?" Alex shook her head. "I don't believe it…I know exactly what he's doin'." Alex pulled her sister aside to make sure they had privacy. "When I was pregnant, he…he loved to feel my belly." She didn't know if it was because of the beer, or because she wanted to reminisce because she was missing him so much, but she felt compelled to share the story with Beth. "One night that he was over, I had him lie behind me…with his hand on my belly, feeling for Nathan. He had never felt a baby move inside a woman before, so he was totally into it. Before too long, Bobby found a spot of the baby that, you know, stuck out a little, and he pressed on it, and could have sworn that Nathan pushed back! He pressed over and over, and every time he get some kind of response from the baby! Once that happened, there was no stopping him. Night after night, he would stay up for hours after I fell asleep and poke and rub all around." Alex didn't realize it but at that point, Beth was standing with her mouth agape, staring at Alex. "One night Bobby proclaimed, 'I think I found his elbow!' It was so cute, Beth, because he was so proud of himself! He went on to tell me he loved to feel around and guess which part of Nathan's body he had discovered…and I think that's what he's doing right now. He trying to figure out if he was right all those nights, he's feeling Nathan's elbows, and feet, and knees, and shoulders, and he's trying to figure out what each part felt like when he was in by belly."

Alex turned to Beth when she realized her sister didn't respond. "Beth?"

Beth was still staring at Alex. She couldn't believe the loving tone of her sister's voice as she went on and on about her partner and the very private story she shared with her. "Oh my God, Lex. He sleeps over? Are you in love with him?"

Alex felt a lump in throat and her heart begin to pound. She realized she said way too much. "Uh, no. That was just, you know, when I was pregnant and right after I had Nathan. He stayed to help me."

Now Beth was thrown in a different direction. "You needed help after you had him?"

Alex felt like the wind was knocked out of her. Beth had no idea the hell she went through. "You know what, Beth. Not the time or place for this. I love you, but I can't do this right now."

Alex quickly made her way back to Bobby. He looked at her as she sat down, and he saw two things: her eyes were trained on Nathan, and they were filled with tears. "Do you want him back?" She just shook her head. "Hang on." He stood up and handed the baby off to the nearest adult.

"Let's take a walk." He led her off the deck and into the yard. The kids were running around playing tag, so they made their way through the game and found a quiet spot to talk. Bobby leaned against a tree and pulled Alex into his arms. "Do you want to talk about it now or later?" She sniffled. "Never." He rubbed the back of her head. "Oh, babe, that wasn't one of the options." She turned her head against his chest. "Can we go?" He rested his cheek against her hair. "That bad?" He felt her nod. "Yeah." He was afraid something would happen that would upset her and something did. He knew he had to get her out of there,

Bobby released her from his embrace, but kept his hands on her shoulders. "How about you make your way to the car, and I'll get our clothes then make an excuse for leaving." She sniffled as she nodded her agreement, then spoke softly. "Tell them we have a call?"

"Sure, I'll meet you in a few minutes."

Alex made her way around the outside of the house while Bobby went in to do the dirty work. After he gathered their clothes, he said his goodbyes to John and Mary, he went and found Beth. She was in the den changing Nathan. When he told her they had to leave, Beth knew something was wrong. "It's my fault. I upset her."

"Yeah, I figured someone did, but she won't talk about it."

"Bobby, please tell her I'm sorry, and that I'll stop over tomorrow to see her. I think we need to finish our conversation without the entire family nearby."

"I'll give her the message, but I can't guarantee she'll be ready to talk."

Beth nodded. "You know her best these days, you're probably right." Bobby noticed a touch of something in her voice that he didn't like. "What do you mean by that, Beth?"

She took a step toward him. "Be straight with me…are you in love with my sister?"

He was getting really sick of these questions. How the hell was he supposed to answer that? He hadn't even had that conversation with Alex yet. But his silence said it all for Beth. "You are, aren't you." He finally nodded his head. "Please, Beth." She stopped him. "Don't worry, Bobby. No one will ever hear it from me." He turned to leave. "But Bobby." He stopped and turned back around. "I'm happy to know that. I was afraid it was one sided on her part." He cocked his head to one side. "She told you that?" Beth shook her head but smiled. "No, but sisters have a way of knowing these things about each other." He rubbed his hand across his mouth, nodded a little, then walked out the door.

--

Their drive home was quiet. From time to time, Bobby leaned over and touched her thigh or took her by the hand and kissed her fingers. Soon, she seemed much calmer, and more focused on them. They were making small talk about the ceremony, who was there, and how everyone got along. Then she finally told him about her conversation with Beth, how Beth wasn't aware of how hard it was for Alex after she gave birth. "It's good that she realizes that now, Alex…it's something you two need to hash out." He tucked her hair behind her ear so he could see her reaction. She glanced over at him. "You're right as usual, Detective." He chuckled a little, then they spent the rest of the drive in their own thoughts.

Bobby found a parking spot and pulled into it. "Come in with me." The look in her eyes said it all for him. He got her bag and followed her into her place. She closed the door behind him and he turned to her. He bent down as he placed his hands on either side of her face and kissed her passionately. "Bobby." That was all she managed to get out before he scooped her up and carried her to her room. He laid her on her bed, then turned on the small lamp and turned off the overhead light.

The world seemed to stop for them. There was nothing but the sound of their breathing and the rustling of clothes being removed. He took his time, slowly pushing her t-shirt up above her breasts, then kissing them over the fabric of her pale pink lacy bra. As he kissed her breasts and her tummy his hand drifted south and he rubbed his fingers over the outside of her pants. Her sound of her small mewls were added to the stillness of the night. He paused for a minute to remove her shirt entirely, then he unclasped her bra and pulled that away as well. He was resting on his right side, he ran his left hand from her neck down to her belly, slowly coming to land on her soft belly. She was embarrassed. "No. Alex. You…You are so wonderfully perfect." He kissed the skin that had softened from her pregnancy, then traced the stretch marks with his fingers. "You should never be embarrassed. You should only be proud. These changes...they're not imperfections…they're a beautiful reminder of the incredible person you are."

"Oh, Bobby…you're gonna make me cry again."

He leaned back up and looked her deep in her eyes. "Cry if you want to, Alex…I'll be here to kiss your tears away." After he said that he began to leave small kisses all around her face and her jaw. She was running her right hand through his hair, her left arm was pinned by his body. He took her mouth again, and as he did, he undid her pants and slowly pushed them and her panties down her legs. After running his hand back up her thigh, he stood up. He removed her pants the rest of the way, then took his own clothes off and joined her back on the bed.

Out of instinct he leaned over to her nightstand and got out a condom. After putting it on, he entered her slowly. He was so loving and gentle, and she savored every second of what it felt like to have him fill her completely.

"I've missed you so much." She whispered, he replied by kissing her.

Their love making was completely different from the other nights they shared. They were taking their time, he moved ever so slowly in and out of her; feeling her stretch around him each time he gradually thrust deep inside, imprinting the feeling in his mind as best he could. They kissed each other just as tenderly. Her tongue swirled around his, then he would run his along her teeth before searching her tongue out again. She felt his saliva slowly mix with hers, then she swallowed it, wanting to keep every part of him that she could.

Bobby couldn't believe he was able to hold out for as long as he was. But he knew that their emotional component that night was so powerful, it was giving them the desire to stay intertwined, physically connected, for as long as possible. They had waited too long to be together, sixteen endless months. Neither were ready to let go right away.

Alex ran her hands through his hair then up and down his back, feeling his muscles work as he moved in and out of her. Then she moved her hands to his shoulders and his arms. He was broad and strong yet so gentle and caring; such a man of contrast. She loved that about him.

Finally he reached a point where he couldn't hold back any longer. One by one, he reached for her wrists, then pinned them down along side her head. He slid his hands up and held hers firmly, lacing their fingers. Using their hands as leverage, he began to thrust with a little more urgency. He was still moving gently, but now his pace had increased in order to use their friction to ignite an orgasm. He could feel her walls tightening around him, he knew she was on the edge as well. He tried his best to wait for her, he wanted them to come together.

He heard her gasp then shudder. "Bobby." Panting.

"Alex. Alex. Alex. Oh God, Alex." He chanted her name as he came.

He was slick with sweat, his legs were giving way. He rolled onto his back, pulling her up on his chest. He remained inside of her. She tucked her hands under him, he wrapped his own around her back, locking her in his embrace. They fell asleep in each others arms.

--


	7. Chapter 7

--

The next morning, as Bobby and Alex sat and had coffee at her kitchen table, the shit hit the fan. She was in a satin robe, he was in his jeans and shirt, but the shirt was unbuttoned. When she got up to get more coffee he pulled her down to him. He tugged open her robe and went straight for her clit. He wanted more of her right then and there. He worked her up good then sat her on the table and spread her legs open as she pulled off his shirt and dropped it on the floor. She began to kiss his neck and she rubbed him over his pants. He was just about to get up to take his pants off when she saw something.

"Bobby…what's that?" He felt her touching his neck.

"I don't know…what did ya do to me last night?" He was obviously very distracted and wanted to stop talking.

He had his pants almost down.

"Uh…no. I barely kissed your neck last night. In fact, I don't think I did at all."

He heard a tone in her voice that made him stop in his tracks. He pulled back and looked at her. He thought about what she said, then he thought about where she was touching, and then it hit him. The girl from earlier in the week. _Oh, Shit_! She knew. He pulled his pants back up.

"Alex."

"You were just with someone else?" Her heart was breaking, he could hear it loud and clear.

"Alex, listen." He tried to touch her.

She pushed him away then snatched her robe closed and stood up. She looked at him then backed away.

"Alex, please."

"No. I get it, Bobby, really. I do. It's okay. You're allowed to see other people. Really." Her voice broke a little as she choked back tears.

He could only imagine what it was doing to her because he knew his heart was being crushed as he listened to her and saw the devastation on her face. He couldn't think for a second.

Then he knew he had to agree with her. He had to stop acting like he did something wrong. "I'm sorry you found out like this…but you're right…we are allowed to see other people."

"Yeah." She wiped a tear away, hoping he didn't see it start to fall. But he did and he felt like someone took a sledgehammer to his chest.

"Alex."

"It's okay, Bobby. But… I'd like you to leave now."

"Like this? Alex, can't we talk about it first?"

She lost it. She tried to sound calm, but it didn't work. Anger spewed out of her.

"What's there to talk about?! You're sleeping with other people. I get that. It's fine, but now I need you to leave."

He grabbed his shirt off the floor and buttoned it up as he went into the living room to put on his shoes. Alex waited for him by the door. She was leaning against the wall with her head down.

He went to grab the door handle but stopped. "You're gonna hear me out before I go."

"No I'm not." She went to move but he stopped her by placing his hands on her shoulders, pinning her to the wall.

He leaned down to try to make eye contact. "I waited over a year before I slept with any one. Fourteen months, Alex. And since then, I've slept with three women, one of whom kicked me out because I called out your name instead of hers." He was breathing heavily against her. "The other two were one night stands, and yes…one of them was four days ago. I always used a condom and…none of them can even come close to comparing to you."

He pushed away from her, wiped her tears, kissed her cheek, and walked out the door.

--

He walked away feeling like shit but he refused to feel guilty. He had every right to date other women. Just as she had every right to date other men, but the thought of that actually happening made him feel nauseous. _This__ must be how she feels right now. Damn it, this sucks_.

--

She heard the door close and she couldn't help but fall apart, right there in her entry way. She turned around, put her hands to her face, and leaned against the wall while she sobbed. She had to get it out.

As Alex stood there she replayed what he said to her before he left. Fourteen months. She had to give him credit for that. She also knew that she truly didn't have a leg to stand on regarding him dating. She told him to. He really had nothing to feel guilty about, and she had no reason to feel like he cheated on her. He didn't. She realized it was the timing that upset her the most. To think he could have slept with someone else just days before the night they shared, well, that's what pissed her off the most. Timing. "Get over it, Alex." She chided herself out loud as she finally made her way back to the kitchen.

--

**a/n: if anyone is wondering, I'm not going to address Alex and Beth's issues right now. I'm keeping focused on everything Bobby and Alex have going on instead. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Spoilers for the following S4 episodes:**

**Semi-Detached**

**The Posthumous Collection**

**Want**

--

**Fall 2004**

Bobby leaned over the table toward John Tagman. He spoke slowly. "You want what you want. Someone who won't leave." Alex heard his voice break on the word 'leave'. She stood there like a stone listening to his every word. "Someone who won't judge you. You want someone who will surrender herself to you. A girlfriend."

Those are the words that have infested her mind and her soul. They're on a constant loop. Her concentration was blown from that point on. She barely remembers anything from the rest of the day.

Later on after the interrogation, she left their desks to make a copy. She came back and he was gone. She tried his cell but he didn't pick up. It wasn't like him to ignore her phone calls. But she knew that he wasn't in a good place. He had gotten deep inside Tagman's head. Too deep. She didn't realize what the problem really was when she, Carver, and Deakins wouldn't listen to him about motive. But she got it as she sat staring at his empty desk; she knew Bobby understood the suspect. He knew Tagman never intended to kill or maim those poor girls. He also saw and understood the deep despair and loneliness of John Tagman. Alex realized that Bobby was able to empathize with that sick man, because he, too, felt those feelings. He, too, knew what it was like to be so alone, and to want nothing more than have someone who loved him and wanted him.

It was killing her because she knew Bobby wanted the things he listed off while he was interrogating Tagman. It was Bobby that wanted someone who wouldn't leave, who wouldn't judge him, who would give herself to him completely. He understood Tagman because he had those same wants. And she knew who he wanted them from.

Alex saw Deakins' in his office. She grabbed her bag and made her way to his doorway. "Goodnight, Captain." Deakins looked up from his desk. "This was a rough one today, Alex, try to get some rest." She let out a big sigh. "I'll try…Did you see Bobby leave?" Deakins nodded. "He poked his head before he left. I told him he should consider taking tomorrow off…this case took a lot out of him. Maybe you should do the same." She nodded her head. "Thank you, Captain, maybe I will. I think I'm gonna try to find him, make sure he's okay. He and Carver really went at it." Deakins gave her a quick wave. "You do that, if anyone can help him, it's you, Alex." She nodded then walked away as fast as she could. Deakins' was no dummy and she didn't want him picking up on any of her body language after his last comment.

--

Alex got in her car and called him. He still didn't answer, so she started driving. She didn't' really know where she was going, she just drove and drove and eventually ended up staring at the water off Coney Island. It was a mid-fall day so there weren't many people around, just some joggers and in-line skaters, and a few old men sitting in chairs playing cards together. She turned her car off but stayed inside. She had to think.

The past couple of months had been hard for Bobby and Alex. After Nathan's baptism, when Alex found out Bobby was dating others, she decided she should do the same. Not to punish him, but to give herself a chance at meeting someone. After all, that was the deal. It didn't take her long to meet a nice guy named Kyle. He was handsome and polite and fun to be with. Then one night when she and Kyle were out on a date, she ran into Bobby and his date. Things got very strained between them after that. She knew a large part of the strain was jealousy on both sides, but there was something else from Bobby, something she couldn't put her finger on. She noticed he was slightly standoff-ish after that, and he wasn't calling her just to talk anymore. She finally chalked it up to the girl. She remembered him explaining the difference between a date and a girlfriend and she thought that maybe he finally met someone special, someone he was considering a girlfriend. Not long after that, however, he showed up at her door late at night. Unfortunately, Kyle was there and she could tell by the look on Bobby's face that he was crushed when he saw the other man.

She tried talking to Bobby after that, but he shut her out. He would cut her off, saying it wasn't his business and he understood. He never let her speak her mind. She realized he was hurt, she knew he must have been, but to close himself off was unacceptable to her. One night she tried to confront him, but he was very drunk and refused to speak to her, slamming his apartment door in her face. She tried another time a few days later, but when she went to his place she found him with someone else. He didn't even try to explain himself that night, or the next day. She came to the sad conclusion that what they had was over.

Right after that, they worked together for a couple weeks with a lot of tension between them, but eventually things started to settle down. By the fall they were back in their stride. Then, Nelda Carson came into their lives. Alex thought about that woman and cringed. _She was one crazy bitch_. Bobby connected with Nelda in a way Alex had never seen before. She could see that although he was approaching Nelda as a suspect, he let his guard down with her. When Alex heard his voice on the phone tap, she began to worry that trouble was brewing. Then Deakins' mirrored her own concerns and that got her worried. She fluffed Deakins' off, but Alex knew there was going to be a real problem. It was extremely difficult for Alex to keep her reactions professional, but she managed. Then when they confronted Nelda in her ex-husbands' apartment, and Alex saw and heard what Bobby had to say, she was down right pissed. _How dare he act like that? How dare he flaunt his feelings for anther woman in front of not only me, but the NYPD_.

As Alex sat in her car in the parking lot of Coney Island, she felt that same anger surge through her body. She didn't talk to him outside of work for days after that. Much to her surprise, after about a week, he showed up at her door. He surprised her by pulling her into an embrace and asking for forgiveness for the way he'd been acting. As much as she wanted to accept his apology, she couldn't. Her Irish pride took hold and she pushed away from him and asked him to leave.

After that, she could tell he was trying, really trying, to make things between them. He got her coffee every morning, and took the initiative with paperwork, taking as much as he could handle, so she could leave early or have a longer lunch because of it. She was beginning to feel herself softening. He was so charming and she was still so crazy about him, that before long, she felt her resolve crumbling.

Their next case dealt with the murder of a famous photographer. During the course of the investigation, they had to go undercover. Alex had to pretend to be a newcomer to the city, and get her likeness sketched by a street artist. It was Bobby's job to check to see if this guy was the man they were looking for. Alex saw Bobby approach the artist, but he caught her off guard when he focused all of his initial attention on her. He oozed charm as he told her the portrait was 'not as pretty as the real thing', then sat right in front of her and asked her out on a date, all the while completely ignoring the suspect. She sat there blushing like a school girl, and he smiled a confident smile, knowing her reaction to his flirting was real.

When that case ended, Alex was more confused than ever about her feelings for her partner. She missed him terribly, but didn't feel she had any right to tell him that. So instead, she pretended the incident in the park was nothing more than undercover work, and she continued to ignore Bobby's attempts at communicating with her beyond work issues.

And then Tagman happened.

--

Alex tried Bobby's cell phone, still no answer. She knew where she had to go.

--

By the time she got to Bobby's apartment, it was almost dark out. She stood outside of his door and thought about what to do. _Should I knock, or use my key? I don't want him to turn me away again._ She stood there for a few minutes contemplating her move.

Bobby sat in his living room. He was slumped into his couch, his legs spread wide, his feet on the ground. He hadn't even bothered taking off his suit. He just sat, staring at the wall, gripping a bottle of scotch.

He heard the knock. He knew it was her and immediately felt his groin tighten. He needed her. She knocked again, this time a little louder.

He got up and opened the door. "Please, Bobby." The look in her eyes captivated him. He couldn't figure out what he saw there. Caring, worry, lust, concession. Love? He leaned against the door frame as he held the door open with the hand that was still grasping the scotch. She ducked under his arm to move past him. She slipped off her jacket and he noticed she hadn't changed from work yet either. She was still in the same dark brown, sleeveless, turtleneck sweater she had been in all day.

"Where've ya been?" He asked her in a gruff voice as he followed her to his living room. When she stopped walking, he moved around her and resumed his earlier position on the couch. She remained standing but kicked off her shoes and pushed them under the coffee table.

"Funny, I was gonna ask you the same thing. You didn't answer my calls."

He ignored what she said. He just sat, his eyes boring into hers. Then he slowly scanned the length of her body. The tension in the room was almost too much for Alex to take. He was wired and agitated, she could tell that right away. But she also felt his desire for her, she became wet just thinking about him.

She looked at the half empty bottle he was holding, then back at him. She'd never been in this position before; alone with him full of booze and hostility. She watched his free hand slowly slide down and come to rest on his crotch. Then without taking his eyes off of her he adjusted his hips and licked his lips.

--

**a/n: Chapter 9 will be M. Chapter 10 will be plot again. You won't miss any plot if you want to skip chapter 9. **


	9. Chapter 9

**This chapter is rated M - nothing to see here but pure smut. Plot will follow in chapter 10.**

--

Softly, Eames tried to talk to him. "Bobby -"

"No!" The loudness of his voice startled her.

She waited for him to continue. The next time he spoke, his tone was much softer, but still just as frightening to her. "If you came here to talk, you can leave. I'm not talking tonight."

She took a step toward him. "I'm not here to talk, Bobby."

He contemplated his partner. He knew he was intimidating her; he didn't think he ever did that before. He never used his arrogance on her, but he was then and he found her response extremely provocative.

Leaning forward, he took a swig of the scotch then set it on the table. He stood up and approached her. She didn't have her shoes on so their height difference was all the more apparent, and he used that to his advantage as he crowded her space. She didn't move.

Slowly, he circled her, dipping his head closer a couple of time to breath her in. When he was facing her again, he leaned down and got right in her face. "Then tell me why you're here, Alex." He remained motionless as he waited for her to reply. "I'm here for you, Bobby." Her voice quivered. He smiled.

He unfastened her belt and her pants, then began to circle her again. He stopped when he was behind her. He removed his jacket and dropped it on the ground. After that he loosened his tie and pulled of off. She felt his left hand come around to her right shoulder and she realized he had his tie in that hand. Slowly, he pulled the tie across her neck, letting the silkiness of it slide across her skin; making her wonder about what he was planning on doing with it. He felt her shiver, then he leaned around and kissed the front of her neck where the tie had just been.

She heard the tie hit the floor as his hands came around and took hold of her breasts. He grasped them roughly at first and it made her whimper a little, then he gently massaged them, as if he was apologizing for hurting her. He spread his legs wide to make himself shorter, heat spread through her when she felt his breath on her shoulder. He kept his right hand on her breast while he quickly dipped his left hand into her pants, past her panties, and without warning slid two fingers as deep inside of her as he could. "Alex." He said as his breathing became erratic. She dropped her head back against his shoulder and moaned.

He slipped his fingers out, and brought them to her mouth. She took them into her mouth and rolled her tongue all around them. "Oh, Alex. Oh, God." His erection grew larger as he felt her tongue on his fingers, tasting herself for him.

He straightened himself back up as he slid his fingers out of her mouth. Alex heard his pants unzip, then fall to the floor. He pushed his boxers down also, then stepped out of them both and used his foot to slide them away before pressing up against her back again.

Bobby ground his hips into her back, she felt his rock hard cock rub against her.

"Mmm, Bobby…"

He kept himself against her as he removed his shirt and tossed it across the room. After that, he lifted her sweater over her head, then unhooked her bra but left it in place.

He circled to the front of her again, then wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. Her hands found his shoulders, then she slid them up into his hair. He loved kissing her, having his tongue tangle with hers while holding her so close. After a couple of minutes he slowly ended their kiss and loosened his embrace.

By then he was trying to catch his breath, she had him so worked up he could barely think straight. He backed away, went to the scotch bottle, and took another swig. "Wait right here." She watched him as he went into his bedroom, then came out with a condom in his hand. He tossed it on the ground, and once he thought he was calmed down enough he moved back over to her.

Bobby and Alex kept eye contact as he made his way toward her. He stood directly in front of her but didn't touch her at first. He was waiting; waiting to see what her reaction would be. After about a minute, she brought her hands up to touch him, but he brought his up and stopped her. "Uh, uh…not yet." She put her hands back down, and he used his to remove her bra. After standing there and looking at her without her bra, he brought his hands up to her breasts, running his fingers first around the top of them, then tracing their heaviness from underneath. After that he cupped them and used his thumbs to massage her nipples.

"Oh my God, Bobby, I want you so -"

"Shhhh." He put a finger to her lips to quiet her down.

After that he knelt down in front of her, he had his left hand on her ass and his right hand on her breast. Then he took her left breast into his mouth. He let his tongue play with her nipple while he used his hand to caress the other one. She played with his hair as he knelt before her. When he was one with one, he switched sides.

Without warning, he sprung back up. He grabbed Alex by the ass and lifted her to him. He put his mouth right against her ear. "You're here for me?" He growled in her ear. "Yes, Bobby."

As soon as he heard her response he pulled her down so they were both kneeling. He directed her to turn around in front of him. Alex turned around so her back was up against his chest. "Bend over for me."

He took a hold of her arms and placed them on the floor in a way that her elbows were on the ground, her head was dangling just above the floor.. Then he positioned himself behind her and ran his hands up and down her back. "Do you trust me, Alex?" His voice alarmed her. "Of course." He heard the fear in her voice so he bent over her and kissed her back. He whispered to reassure her, "I'm not gonna hurt you." She relaxed a little. "I know you won't." She heard him open the condom package and slip it on.

He kissed her back again, then he straightened up and slid into her wet center. Alex had never had a man take her from behind before. From that position she felt as though she could feel every move he made. He always filled her, but that way, he felt even more powerful. She groaned loudly, partly out of pain and partly out of pleasure. Bobby heard her and it made his cock swell even more.

He let her adjust to him before he began to move, and once he started she groaned even louder. He had his left hand grasping her hip while his right hand ran up and down her back. He was alternating his pace; sometimes he moved slowly, but then he would increase his speed and intensity stirring up her desire for him even more. She loved it all.

After a while, he steadied his pace and his right hand came around to found her clit. He rubbed her as he began to pound into her. She felt herself nearing an orgasm.

"Oh shit, Bobby! You feel so…so…" Alex was out of breath. Then her orgasm took hold of her and she let the wonderful feeling sweep through her body.

Hearing her words and feeling her release under him sent him into a spiral. He wanted her, he needed her, he wanted to make her his. His mind was full of images of her from all the times they had made love before. He envisioned her eyes and the sound of her voice when it was deeper than usual and tinged with desire. He recalled how her writhing body would move against his as he would slide into her, he recalled her breathing as she came all those other times; he felt himself getting more and more out of control.

He pushed into her a couple of more times, but by then he knew what he had to do. He moved fast as he slid out of her. She remained in the same position wondering what he was up to. Then, she felt him spin her around and flop her on the floor. He laid her out before him and he stared at her; she stared back, anticipating his next move.

Then, he kept eye contact with her as he slid the condom off. Their breathing became even more erratic, but every sound in the world seemed to stop as he leaned down over her, then he entered her again.

She knew what was happening. She knew he was unprotected, but she didn't say a word. He filled her completely then kissed her with all the passion and desire he harbored for her. She felt all of that in his kiss, as his tongue plunged in and out of her mouth she understood the passion behind it. And when he started leaving small kisses on her lips and her neck and eyes, she was able to sense his need for her.

Alex waited until he was done kissing her, then she pulled her head up off the floor and whispered in his ear, "This feels so right, Bobby."

Bobby was going to come inside of her, and they both wanted it to happen.

He reached under her ass, grabbing hold of it and pulling her closer to him. "I never thought you could feel better than you have before, but this…this Alex…it's unbelievable."

"I can feel every incredible move you're making." She panted in his ear.

He moved in and out, over and over, and in the silence they felt a closeness they had never experienced before. They both knew that right then and there, they could be conceiving a child; a baby all their own, and they were allowing it…they wanted it.

"Oh my God, Alex." She felt Bobby's body convulse with pleasure as he released himself deep inside of her. His orgasm lasted far longer than any she had remembered, and a big part of her was hoping he had just impregnated her.

They remained tangled in each other on the floor. As Bobby covered her, Alex pulled her head up and placed small kisses on his neck and face. He felt the warmth of her lips on him and it made his heart ache for all the things that he wanted from her but still thought he couldn't get. But then he thought of what they just did, how they could have just created a life, and his heart swelled.

--


	10. Chapter 10

**Recap of chapter 9 for the non-smut readers: they had sex without a condom.**

--

**Last paragraph of chapter 9:**

They remained tangled in each other on the floor. As Bobby covered her, Alex pulled her head up and placed small kisses on his neck and face. He felt the warmth of her lips on him and it made his heart ache for all the things that he wanted from her but still thought he couldn't get. But then he thought of what they just did, how they could have just created a life, and his heart swelled.

--

Then…he froze.

Alex picked up on Bobby's demeanor immediately. She pushed him over onto his back, then climbed onto him.

"Alex…"

"Bobby, please don't say it." Alex had one hand resting on the floor, her face was poised just above his.

"It's just that…"

"I'm serious." She ran her fingers along his jaw. "The last thing I need to hear is you telling me that that was a mistake and that you're sorry."

"Think of what I did." The concern and guilt in his voice didn't slide by her.

She was trying to remain calm. "I know what **we** did. **We** had consensual, unprotected sex. We knew the risks and we let it happen."

He looked at her skeptically.

"Bobby, at any point, I could have said 'stop', but I didn't…I wanted that just as much as you did."

He pushed his breath out in frustration. He didn't understand her.

"But why, Alex." He really didn't have a clue.

"Why? You mean, why would I allow you, Robert Goren, make love to me? To come inside of me? And possibly impregnate me?"

"Yes to all that…why?"

Alex laid there on top of him, and not for the first time, she looked at Bobby and shook her head. He was a man who had no idea how wonderful he really was…and…he had no clue what her true feelings for him were. But she knew most of that was her fault. She's always kept him at arms length, even after they started sleeping together. She felt awful.

Her eyes held his.

"You really have no idea, do you?"

"What do you mean?"

"How special you are…you have no idea that I think you're the kindest, most caring, and most wonderful man I have **ever** met."

"Th-then why do you see other people?" He sounded sad and dejected.

Alex heard his tone and realized just how much it hurt him to see her with someone else. She had only gone out with Kyle because he was dating. But she heard his pain and she knew she didn't want to be the cause of it anymore.

She ran her hands down his face and gently kissed his lips.

She spoke softly. "I've never wanted to see anyone else but you. I only dated him because I thought I should. He was a nice guy but there was nothing there. I could never feel for him what I feel for you."

He held his breath before he asked the next question. "And how do you feel about me?"

She looked him in his eyes and hesitated before she answered him. "I love you."

He paused before he spoke, "Eames". He sounded like he didn't believe her.

She pushed her self up so she was straddling him. "Don't 'Eames' me, Bobby. Not about this."

He was frustrated and confused. "It's just…it makes no sense."

Alex knew she created this situation. She never expressed her feelings to him and because of that, Bobby didn't believe her. She took a deep breath, let it out, then stood up.

Bobby panicked for a second because he thought she was going to leave, but then she held her hands out to him. "C'mon, get up." Once he was up she took him by the hand and led him to his bedroom. She went to the bed, slid under the covers, then patted the bed to invite him to should join her. He got in but didn't move closer to her.

Alex was lying on her side with her elbow resting on her pillow and her head propped on her hand. She spoke gently, trying to convey to him that he can trust her to open up. "Now, tell me what doesn't make sense to you."

Bobby was lying on his back, and she watched him as he closed his eyes and squirmed, he wasn't comfortable at all. He wasn't used to talking about feelings with anyone, and they had never had a conversation like this one before.

_Patience, Alex, patience_. "You don't think I can love you, Bobby?" She reached over and ran her hand down his arm. She wasn't expecting him to flinch, but he did, so she pulled her hand away quickly. He opened his eyes and turned toward her as he tried to gauge her reaction. He took one look at her and he knew he hurt her feelings. He covered his face with his hands and shook his head.

Alex's first reaction was to get up and leave because she was so confused by him. She was afraid she misinterpreted what had happened, and his feelings toward her. But then she knew she couldn't give up that easily.

"Bobby…do, do you love me…at all?" Her voice was almost a whisper.

He kept his face covered as he nodded yes. She sighed in relief and it made him put his hands down and turn on his side to face her. He didn't speak, and she could see caution in his eyes.

Alex moved closer to him. His head was on his pillow, and hers was still propped up so she was looking down at him a little. She leaned over and kissed his shoulder, then his neck and turned her head to lean in and kiss his lips. She felt his arm snake over her hip and press firmly into her back, drawing her closer to him while he deepened their kiss. She used her arm to push his shoulder down so he was lying on his back again, and he pulled her on top of him. When they ended the kiss, Alex kissed his chin and his jaw, then moved to his neck and his chest. While she was doing that, Bobby tugged the blankets off of her then ran his hands up and down her back and over her ass. Then she reached down and began to stroke him. Feeling her touch him made him groan in anticipation of having her again.

She stopped long enough to put both of her hands on his face and spoke softly, but with authority, "I love you, Bobby."

"I love you, too." He used a hand to pull her face back down to his.

They made love all night long.

--

**a/n: I was at a loss as to how to proceed after chapter 9, but became inspired while I sat on the beautiful beach with Sis and the Bittersweet chick. Was it the sound of the waves lapping against the sand? Was it the warmth of the sun and the calling of the seagulls? Perhaps it was the sucky surfer dude? What ever it was...it got my butt in gear again, so thanks!**


	11. Chapter 11

--

Alex stirred from her sleep when she felt the bed shake a little. She was lying on her belly, her head was turned toward Bobby, and her arms were tucked under her pillow. She opened her eyes, saw Bobby slowly creeping out of bed, and reached out to him. He stopped his movement when he felt her hand on his arm, so she slid closer to him, running her hand over his chest and pressing against it so he would lie back down.

Once he was on his back, she stretched out along side of him as he put his arm around her back and rested his hand on her waist. They were both still naked, and the sheet and light blanket were pulled up just to their hips.

"Where were you sneaking off to?" She kissed his chest then put her head back down.

"Uh, just...getting up." He squeezed her waist a little.

She leaned over him and looked at the clock. "You get up at five-fifteen?"

"I get up when I wake up. Today it's five-fifteen."

She noticed tension in his voice so he propped herself up on her elbow and studied his face. He wouldn't make eye contact with her.

"You still worried about all this?" She draped a leg over his and ran her foot along his calf.

He sighed deeply so she put her head back on his chest and waited for him.

"What happens now?" The caution in his voice made her smile to herself. He sounded so nervous, something she wasn't used to hearing in his tone.

"You mean, when will we know if I'm pregnant?" She slowly ran her hand back and forth across his chest.

"Yeah."

She propped back up on her elbow. "Well, the thing is, is that I'm still not on a regular schedule since I had Nathan. Before I got pregnant, I was like clockwork, every - "

"Twenty-three to twenty-five days." He finished her sentence for her. Her eyes widened and her jaw unhinged then grew into a wide smile. He smirked at her; so proud to have been able to shock her.

"I know you're a genius and all, but THAT was scary."

"And you mean to tell me that when you walk in to work each day, you can't tell the mood I'm in by the way I say 'good morning' or by the look on my face?" He dropped his hand behind her and began to make small circles on her lower back.

She thought about what he said and shook her head. "But still, Bobby...to know when I have my period?"

"What can I say, I'm just observant, and I pay attention to details."

She nodded and smiled. "Anyway..."

"Anyway..." He smirked again.

"Since I had Nathan, my periods have been erratic. Once it was nineteen days from the one before, then the next one was nearly six weeks later...and I have no idea when I'm ovulating during all this craziness."

"Damn."

"Yeah. So my last period was", she paused furrowed her brow while she counted back, "twelve days ago. So..." She trailed off and shrugged her shoulders.

"So we wait."

"So we wait," She concurred.

--

**A few days later…a Saturday.**

Bobby looked at his ringing phone, then flipped it open.

"Hi." He couldn't help the small smile that betrayed his need for discretion.

"I'm just calling you back. Am I catching you at a bad time?"

"No - no, not at all. Lewis and I are just working on his latest pet project." He leaned his hip against the car; Lewis looked up at his friend and shook his head.

"What's he have?"

His smile grew larger, he was picturing her face as she heard the mention of a muscle car. "It's a '68 Shelby."

"GT Five Hundred?!" He heard her excitement.

"Yup." He replied proudly.

"Don't even tell me it's a fastback."

"Okay, I won't tell you."

"Goren." She was exasperated.

He laughed. "Yes, it's a fastback, and before you ask…it's lime gold metallic."

She heard Lewis holler something and Bobby continued, "Lewis said you can come by anytime to take a look or lend a hand."

"Well, tell him thank you, but I don't want to intrude on your 'male bonding'."

He chuckled a little, then walked away from Lewis and spoke quietly, "Um, can I see you later?"

Alex thought of Bobby and what he must look like right then. She pictured him in old jeans and work boots, with a t-shirt under a flannel long sleeved shirt. She imagined his hair to be messy, and sporting a nice five o'clock shadow from not shaving for a couple of days. Her whole body flushed as adrenaline flowed deep inside her. _My God, I've got it bad for this guy._

"What do ya have in mind?" Her tone was suggestive and he picked right up on it.

He walked outside to get further away from Lewis. "Now how am I supposed to get any work done with you talkin' like that?"

She gave him a sexy laugh and he felt his cock respond immediately as she answered him, "Oh, am I distracting you?" Then she added innocently, "I didn't mean to."

"Bullshit, you didn't!"

"I'm sorry. You know what, why don't you come over later and I'll give you a proper apology then."

"You're a naughty girl, you know that?" His voice was deep with arousal.

"Mmmm, and that's just the way you like me."

He sighed into the phone, "You're killing me here, Eames."

She laughed again. "I'll be waiting…" She hung up.

Bobby stood there for a few minutes to try to settle himself down. He knew Lewis would have a lot of questions for him when he went back inside the garage. After all, his friend knew about his crush on his partner. And now, after witnessing that phone call, Lewis was aware that there was more to the story.

Bobby casually strolled back into the garage. Lewis was waiting for him.

"So, how long has this been goin' on?"

Bobby studied his best friend. He knew he could confide in him, but he was still uneasy.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Lewis." He made his way over to the hood of the car, then leaned in to get back to business.

Lewis straightened up. "Don't give me that fuckin' bullshit, Bobby. I've known you long enough to know when you've got a girl. And based on what I just heard…let me tell you…you don't have a girl…this girl's got you."

Bobby paused and looked at his friend. He hesitated a little longer before he spoke. "Lewis, you have no idea."

Lewis opened a beer, than looked at Bobby for a few seconds before he spoke. "You know what I think?" He waited for Bobby to respond, which he did by nodding his head. "I think you and detective Alex have finally realized that there is so much more to life than just being work partners."

Lewis waited for Bobby to respond. "Go on."

"And…I think that you and she have finally done something about it…but now you don't have a clue about what to do next."

The words were out of Bobby's mouth before he had a chance to think, "She might be pregnant."

Lewis stumbled backwards and choked on the sip of beer he was taking. "Dude! I guess I'm right."

"Yeah, but what the hell do I do now?" Bobby leaned against the work bench and crossed his legs.

"What do you want to do?"

Bobby gave him a look of frustration. "You're not a fuckin' shrink, Lewis, don't try to play me like that."

Lewis took another sip of his beer. "No, man, I'm not tryin' to do anything. I'm hoping I can help you sort out what's goin' on up in that head of yours. Because if there's one thing I do know, it's that you must be having some crazy thoughts right now."

Bobby pursed his lips and nodded. "I know there are so many ways we can make this great, or fuck it up. And I do not wanna fuck this up."

"When will you know?"

"We don't know", Bobby waved his arm in the air, "long story".

"And what if she's knocked up?"

He started to pace. "No clue…either way, I have no clue as to what we're doing."

"Why is that?"

Bobby gave him an exasperated look. "Stop, Lewis."

"I'm just asking", he said as he shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know." He paced a few more times. "Listen, I gotta go." He didn't wait for Lewis to say goodbye, he just walked away.

--

**Eames' place…later that night.**

He rolled off of her and onto his back as he caught his breath. He looked her way. "You're incredible, you know that?"

She inched closer to him and pressed herself against him as she left small kisses on his chest. "Right back at ya."

There was so much he wanted to ask her but he didn't know how to start. He bit his lower lip as his brain took him far away from her. She noticed how still he was so she picked her head up to peek at him, and she knew immediately that he was lost in his thoughts. She put her had back down, wrapped her arm over his chest, and listened to his heart beat. She knew she had to give him some time.

Alex was aware that a lot of time had passed, she figured it was close to an hour. She decided enough was enough, they had to talk at some point. She shifted position but that didn't seem to break his concentration. Deciding on a more aggressive approach, she climbed over him to get out of bed then went to the bathroom. She was still naked when she came back in to the room and she noticed she had his attention. Before getting back into bed, she casually walked around the room, picked their clothes up off the floor, folded them neatly, then put them on her chair.

She looked back over at him and saw that his eyes were raking over her body. She gave him a smile and headed back to the bed. She began to climb back over him, making sure to scrape her body against his in the process. His arms came up and stopped her right on top of him, then he held her there in place. She snuggled down on to him and wrapped her arms under his back. "I love you." "I love you, too."

His arms tightened around her. "What happens if you're pregnant, Alex?"

"Then we have a baby." She lifted her cheek off his chest, then rested her chin there so she could get a look at him. He slid her off of him then rolled onto his side so they were facing each other.

"To us… what happens to us if you're pregnant."

Sometimes she really hated being the voice of reason. She didn't have all the answers but right then, he was looking to her for each and every one.

"We'll raise the baby together…if that's what you want. Is that what you want?"

"Is that what you want?"

Neither of them were willing to let their guard down.

"Hey…no fair. That's answering a question with a question." She stroked his cheek and let out a small giggle.

"How fucked up are we, huh?"

"I don't know…how fucked up are we?" She smirked at him, hoping he got her intent.

He chuckled. "Ah, another question."

He became serious again, "And what if you're not pregnant? What happens then?"

"Bobby…do you really need all the answers right now?"

He couldn't help his response. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do." His patience with her flip-flopping on their status was wearing thin. He's abided by her wishes all along, but he felt he deserved more of an answer than he'd gotten in the past.

She attempted to move away, to get up, but he stopped her by holding onto her by her waist. "Please don't walk away from this conversation, Alex." He was still speaking in his usual quiet voice, but inside his anger was building exponentially.

"I'm not...ugh...just let me get up." She squirmed around and he released his grip on her.

"Wow." His voice was dripping with contempt. He sat up in bed and watched her as she went to her closet and threw on a robe.

"Don't be like that, Bobby." She spun around as she was tying the robe.

"Me?! Look at you! The second I ask about the future you jump away from me like the bed was on fire!"

"Can't we just take things one step at a time?" Her head was tilted and her hands were folded in front of her.

He got up and began putting his clothes back on in a fury. She dropped her head down and shook it.

"Don't shake your head at me! What I'm asking shouldn't be that hard for you to answer." He stared at her as he buckled his belt, then he sat down to put on his socks and shoes.

"Bobby."

He looked up at her. "What?! What is it, Alex?! Tell me now, okay. You tell me what you want out of this...out of us...right now."

She fought back tears. "I love you, Bobby, I do."

"That's not what I asked." He stood up and walked to the bedroom door. He turned back to her, but she was still facing the other way. "I love you, too."

He started out of the room but she called him back. He turned back around, leaned against the doorframe, and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"I'm not goin' anywhere on us." She sat down on the end of the bed and crossed her legs. "It's just...I'm scared."

"Of me?" He was still angry.

"Of a lot of things." As she spoke, he watched her wringing the tie of her robe. "I'm not scared of you, but I am scared of us...of making that commitment."

"And...and you don't think I'm afraid of that?" His voice softened.

"I'm sure you are, but I'm also sure we're afraid for different reasons."

"So, talk to me. Tell me what's going on." He shifted from one side of the door to the other.

She shook her head. "Right now...I can't."

He looked at her for a minute before he spoke. "You've, ah, you've got to do better than that, Alex."

She put her head down.

He turned to leave, and this time she let him go.

--


	12. Chapter 12

--

**Two weeks later…**

Bobby and Alex hovered over their paperwork late in the day. One by one, the squad was thinning out as occasional "good nights", and "see ya tomorrows" were tossed back and forth between the cops leaving and those still working. Each time Bobby looked up he stole a glance at his partner. They had just had two very emotional and difficult cases, but he was struck by how well they worked together on both.. Their private life was in shambles, but their professional relationship was completely unaffected. He couldn't help but feel grateful for that one bright spot in their whole sordid mess.

As he glanced at her again he was surprised to see her smiling at him.

"Can I…help you with something?" He looked at her expectantly and couldn't help a small smile creeping onto his lips as well.

"You keep looking at me…is everything alright, Goren?"

"Can I take you out for dinner, Eames?"

Her smile faded away and his heart broke. He knew what her answer would be.

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Bobby."

He gave a quick nod and began to work again.

She leaned forward a little and kept her voice down. "Bobby."

He kept his head down but raised his left hand in a 'stop' motion.

"Bobby, please…"

He got up quickly, gathered what he could into his binder, and zipped it up.

Alex was about to say something when Deakins appeared in his doorway. "Heading out, Goren?"

"Uh, yeah…I'm gonna finish this up at home." As he walked out he threw a general "goodnight" over his shoulder.

--

**One weeks later…**

Alex hung up from Deakins then called Bobby. "We have a call."

"Damn," he sighed, "okay, where."

"I'll pick you up and fill you in on the way there."

"Good, uh, I'm at the coffee shop…you know the one that's three blocks from my place…do you mind getting me there?"

"Be there in about twenty minutes." She hung up before he could answer.

He went to answer her just as he realized she was gone. He hated how cold she sounded. _How did we get to this point?_

--

Twenty minutes later she approached the shop and found a spot right in front of it. She called his phone, but it went straight to voice mail. She tried again, got the same thing, so she turned the car off and went inside.

The last thing she expected to see was Bobby sitting at a table with a woman.

Alex stopped short when she saw him huddled close to a woman with long blonde hair. They were looking at something together, some sort of brochure it looked like. The woman's back was to Eames, but she saw Bobby's profile and he was laughing and pointing at one of the pictures. Alex didn't remember walking, but before she knew it she was standing right next to their table.

"Ready?"

She said it with such anger it startled him. "Oh! Eames…you're here." He jumped out of his chair.

"Yeah…my calls went to voice mail…ready?" She glared at the girl.

"Uh, Ea - Alex, this is Lainie Westin, Lainie, this is my partner, Alex Eames." Alex's insides turned to lead. _Is he making sure she knows I'm just his partner_?

Lainie shook Alex's hand, Alex gave the girl her patented caustic smile. She was taken aback by the girls beauty as well as her young age. She wished she could just melt into the floor.

"Lainie, think about everything…and call me when you've made a choice." Bobby leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek, Alex thought she was going to vomit.

"Okay, Bobby, thanks…I'll call you later."

He motioned for Eames to walk in front of him, which she did. She couldn't wait to get out of there.

Once they were on the sidewalk she turned to say something to him but stopped herself. He saw the look on her face. "What?"

"What is she, Bobby…twelve?"

"What? No! Eames! Alex…she's my friend's daughter. She's planning a surprise anniversary party for her parents and she was looking for some help. All I was…doing was…oh, hell, I don't have to explain myself to you." His words were like a knife, he cut her so deeply with that last sentence.

He spoke again as he got into the car. "I need to get my binder, please stop in front of my place." She didn't answer him but stopped in front of his building. He got out of the car and slammed the door shut.

She was deep in thought when he opened the door again. She didn't mean to glance over toward him and let him see the tears that were poised in her eyes, but she did. He saw them and his heart broke, but still he didn't say a word.

Tension filled the car as they drove, then Alex broke the quiet with the facts she knew about the call. He listened to her and did his best to focus on her words. "A guy was found behind a dumpster, looks like a robbery gone bad. Gun was found in a nearby garbage can."

"Sounds routine, why were we called?"

"Brother of a councilman."

He was hoping that the case would be as easy as it sounded, and that they could make it through the day without taking each other's heads off. His mind then drifted to the place it's been spending the majority of it's time lately; wondering if Alex was pregnant. He struggled with himself over whether to ask her about it or not. He desperately wanted to know, but he didn't think she would take too kindly to him asking while they were working. The thought of having a baby with her still made him happy. He let himself reminisce, recalling that night they shared. _"This feels so right, Bobby_._"_ Her words were burned in his memory. Everything about her was.

"Earth to Goren." He heard her voice and felt her tug at his coat and he was pulled from his reverie. He looked at her. "Your phone…did you ever check it?" He looked confused by her words as he refocused on what she was saying instead of what was stuck in his head. "Your phone, Goren?…it went straight to voice mail before?…" He heard her exasperation as he shifted position and fished his phone out of his overcoat pocket. He flipped it open and noticed it was on, and that he had two missed calls. "Huh, it's on and here are your calls…I don't know what happened." He hit clear and tucked it away again.

He opened his binder and began writing as he thought again about the baby. The words were out before he could stop himself. "So, any news?" She knew what he was referring to immediately. She was still so hurt by his earlier words that she struck out at him, "Oh, yeah. I got my period yesterday…so…you're off the hook."

A sense of loss swept through him quickly followed by a level of anger he hadn't felt in a long time. "What the fuck do you mean by that?!"

She set her jaw and glanced over at him then back to the road. "I thought you'd be relieved."

He looked out the window and saw they were approaching the crime scene. _Fuck_! He silently swore to himself. He turned to her and ground his words out, "What would make you think I would be relieved?"

She was hiding her anger much better than he was, so she was able to sound almost innocent as she replied, "You're so pissed at me that I can't make a commitment, or…define us…that I figured you'd be just as happy to not have to ever deal with me again."

She parked the car and started to get out, but he grasped onto her arm. "You thought wrong."

He released her arm and she couldn't look at him. She climbed out of the car but noticed he wasn't. She peeked back in and he looked the other way. "I need a second." He didn't sound like himself and Alex knew the news she gave him was rough for him to hear. It was harder for her to say than she thought it would be. She had been ambivalent about the possibility of having a baby with Bobby, but now that she knew it wasn't going to happen, she felt a deep sadness.

As she slowly walked to the crime scene, she also realized the sadness was for what they had become. There wasn't anything between them except work and she missed him. But, she knew she didn't have the right to tell him that because she still couldn't tell him what she wanted from a relationship with him. She had too much pain and too much fear to open herself up like that. The thought of therapy skittered across her mind. Her family had tried to get her to see a therapist after Joe was killed but she refused to go. She didn't see herself opening up to a stranger. But she could see how her pain was affecting Bobby and it made her feel awful.

Bobby sat in the car and watched her walk away. He wondered what was really going on in that mind of hers, and in her heart. He was not expecting her to just blurt out that she got her period; it took the wind out of him for a second. _I'll never have that chance with her again…actually, I'll never have that chance again, period. _ He knew there wouldn't be anyone else he would let get that close to him. It was his partner or nobody, and as he watched her walk further away from him, he realized he'd lost his chance with her forever.

--

tbc…


	13. Chapter 13

--

**Major Case Squad, just after New Years... **

Bobby and Alex were sitting at their desks finishing up the paperwork from the case involving the brilliant chess player turned paranoid murderer. Alex's stomach had been bothering her for a couple of days, but she had chalked it up to overindulgence during the holidays. However, as she filled out forms, she was feeling sicker and sicker. Her back was aching, and the nauseas feeling that had been nagging at her all day was now getting more demanding, and on top of that, she was starting to feel strong to severe cramps. A thought popped into her mind and she pulled out her date planner to check when she had her last period. _That must be what this is_. She rolled her eyes to herself. _It's been so long that I don't even recognize the symptoms anymore_. She found the date and saw that it was just over 10 weeks prior. _Wow, that was a long time_!

"Are you alright?" She was pulled from her thoughts by Bobby's voice. She glanced up and saw a concerned look on his face.

"I'm sorry…what?"

"You…you don't look so good. You're very pale. Are you…feeling okay?"

As he said the words she felt an almost unbearable stab in her abdomen, it made her double over. "Oooh," was all she got out. Bobby was at her side before she knew it. He wheeled her chair out from under her desk. "I just need to go to the bathroom…or maybe home. I think I caught a bug."

He got up quickly and grabbed her coat and bag. "Jeffries, please tell Deakins that Eames is sick and I'm taking her home." Jeffries nodded and watched Bobby guide her to a standing position.

Just as they stood up, she felt warmth spreading between her legs. "Bobby…something's wrong." He looked at her and followed her eyes down to her pants. He gasped when he saw her jeans were becoming soaked in blood. He called to Jeffries again, "Tom! Call a bus, have them meet us downstairs!" Then he dropped her coat and bag, scooped her up, and ran to the elevators.

--

Bobby was pacing in the waiting room when he saw Deakins approaching.

"What happened, Bobby?"

"Eames…the doctor… Dr. Ward…he said she's hemorrhaging. That's all I know."

"Her parents are on their way." Deakins decided not to ask anymore questions. He could see that Bobby was on the brink of a meltdown. He watched his detective and knew how worried he was about his partner. Deakins was also of the mindset that there were deep feelings between Goren and Eames, and that there was more to their relationship than just work. He'd been watching them for a long time, but he never confronted them because whatever it was, it wasn't affecting their jobs so it wasn't affecting him. But as he watched Bobby react to Eames being in the hospital, he knew his instincts were correct.

John and Mary Eames walked in and said hello to Deakins and Bobby. Bobby shook John's hand and gave Mary a kiss on her cheek. The four of them were standing together when Dr. Ward came out to the waiting room. "Detective Goren?"

Bobby twisted his back a little and wiped his hands on his slacks while he waited for Deakins introduced himself and the Eames' to the doctor.

"How is she?" Mary asked.

The doctor looked at Mary, then to the men, and back at her. "Should we step over here for a moment?" Mary shook her head. "No, it's okay. Bobby is actually her medical proxy, and captain Deakins is a close friend as well as her boss." Dr. Ward glanced around again, then addressed his comments to her. "Mrs. Eames, your daughter's hemorrhaging is the result of a miscarriage." Mary's eyes grew wide and John put his arm around his wife. "That can't be doctor. I mean…we had no idea."

"It was a surprise for her, too. But the tests we ran indicated she was approximately twelve weeks pregnant."

Bobby couldn't believe he what he just heard and he responded before he realized what he was saying, "But she said she got her period."

All four sets of eyes were now focused on Bobby. Deakins draw dropped a little and Bobby realized what he said. "I - I mean…she - she told me once that - that." He paused to let his tongue catch up to his brain. "She had confided in me once that her menstruation has been erratic since she gave birth to Nathan." He realized that that response still didn't satisfy the curious stares he was still getting. "And I remember her telling me that she had her period at the end of October."

Bobby wasn't fooling any of them, but they were all kind enough to let it go. They realized he was under enough stress already. Deakins put his hand on Bobby's shoulder and gave him a little pat.

The doctor replied to Bobby. "She told us about that, too. But, a woman can sometimes have bleeding early on in a pregnancy when the fertilized egg imbeds into the uterine wall. That's what happened back in October because she most definitely just miscarried."

John spoke next. "Will she be okay now?"

"She'll be okay, but we have to perform a D&C. We'll do it as soon as her obgyn arrives." Dr. Ward then turned to Bobby. "She's asking for you."

Bobby felt little beads of sweat running down his forehead. He wiped them off and tried to hide his shaking hand. "Okay," he turned to Mary and John, "I'll be right out."

Mary took a hold of Bobby's other hand. "Take your time, Bobby." The look in her eyes let Bobby know she understood everything. He fought back tears as she let go of his hand and he made his way to Eames.

--

The Emergency Department had a few small rooms at the end of the long row of beds, and luckily, Eames was in one of those rooms. The walls were mostly glass, so there wasn't much privacy, but at least it was quiet.

Bobby stood in the doorway for a moment and watched her. She was lying on her back with an arm draped over her eyes and her legs were bent straight up. He was certain she was crying and the sight of her made him want to cry as well.

He didn't say anything as he moved toward her, but she sensed someone was there so she put her arm down and looked toward the door. She saw him and started crying harder. Bobby sat in a chair and inched it right up against her bed.

"Oh, sweetheart…I'm so sorry." He had one hand covering hers, and another resting on the top of her head. He leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"Bobby," She could barely talk, "I swear, I had no idea." She closed her eyes tightly and pulled in a big breath of air.

"I know, I know…shhhh..." His face was tucked into her hair so he could whisper into her ear. "What a way for you to find out…I'm so sorry this happened to you, Alex."

She turned onto her side and touched her forehead to his. "And what a horrible way for you to find out, too."

"Don't worry about me…I'm fine."

She put both of her hands on his face. "No, Bobby, you're not fine…you don't have to pretend to be fine for me…You wanted a baby. And no matter what was going on between us lately, I did, too. But we thought we missed that chance. And now to find out we could have had a child…that I'd been pregnant all this time…but…" She couldn't go on as her sadness overcame her and she choked back sobs. Bobby ran his hand up and down her back as he cried, too. She was right, he did feel the loss. It was almost unbearable for him to think about it, so he focused on her and getting her through the next part of her ordeal. He'd let himself deal with his loss in private once he was home.

They remained in that position until Alex's crying subsided. When she felt like she was quieting down, she whispered to him, "I love you."

Her words broke his heart. "I love you, too."

He gave her some tissues and got her some water. She sat up a little and blew her nose a few times then had something to drink. "Your mom and dad are here. How about I go and get them."

She shook her head. "No. I only want you here right now."

He stood up. "I think they just want to see your face, and know that you're…okay."

"I'm nowhere near okay…but if you think it's important for them, then alright. Can you just ask them to keep it short?"

He nodded. "I'll be right back."

Goren approached Mary, John, and Deakins. John sensed Goren's apprehension. "She doesn't want to see us, does she?"

"It's just that she's very tired, but she said if you'd like to come back for just a minute that that would be good."

Mary reached up and placed her hand on Bobby's face. "She doesn't need her parents here for this…she just needs you."

"Mary - "

John interrupted him. "Bobby, it's okay. We understand." Then he turned to Mary. "Let's just give her a kiss and go." He took his wife by the hand and they went to see Alex.

Bobby and Deakins looked at each other. "Captain…listen…what happened here -"

"Is none of my business."

"But it is, Captain."

"Okay then… are you two are in a relationship?"

"Well…it's complicated."

"So this wasn't a result of a one night stand?"

"No, no sir."

"How long have you two been, ah, complicated?"

Goren thought for a moment. "Almost two and a half years." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"I see."

"I'm sorry, sir."

Deakins looked at Goren and gave him a small smile. "Don't be. I told you a long time ago that I knew it would be hard not to notice her."

"But you also told me not to do anything to damage her reputation at work…and look at what happened."

"No one has to know what happened here. No one will unless you or Alex tell them. In the mean time, you tell her to take all the time she needs. And let me know if you need some time as well."

"Thank you, Captain…I'll let you know."

They shook hands and Deakins left.

--

**a/n: remember this part of the story is taking place before the HIPPA laws were enacted. That's why the doctor was able to talk to them.**


	14. Chapter 14

--

Bobby entered Alex's room just as Mary and John were putting on their coats. He stood by the door, still feeling uneasy with the conversation that took place in the waiting room. Alex saw how nervous he was and suspected she knew why; her parents knew he was the baby's father. It all made sense to her then. She was wondering how they were letting that question go unasked.

"Bobby… would you mind giving us one more minute?"

"Uh, sure." His eyes bounced back and forth between Alex and her parents. "No - no problem." He ducked back outside and walked the length of the ER a few times.

Once he was gone, Alex addressed the situation. "I'm guessing you know who the father was."

Mary was the first to reply. "Alex, that's not the important thing right now, sweetie."

"Actually, Mom, it is. I'm not telling anyone else this, but ...it was his baby, too. And he's just as devastated by this as I am. Please keep that in mind."

"What I mean, honey, is we love you, and we love Bobby, and while we were pretty surprised by the news that you were pregnant, but we weren't shocked to find out he was your baby's father."

Alex nodded as her eyes filled with tears. 'he was your baby's father'. Hearing those words hurt her to the core. She wiped her tears just as Bobby reappeared in the doorway, followed by her obgyn. She looked at Bobby and held her hand out to him, indicating she wanted him close by. He went over to her and stood by the head of her bed. She reached up and took his hand in hers.

Her doctor approached her and shook her hand sympathetically. "Hello Alex. I'm so sorry that I'm seeing you here for this reason."

"Thank you, Dr. Marconi." They shook hands, then she turned the doctors attention to Bobby." This is Robert Goren, and I think you remember my parents, John and Mary Eames." They all shook hands.

John put his hand on Mary's back. "We'll get out of your way, honey." Then he looked at Bobby. "Let us know when she's home, and if there's anything we can do." Bobby replied, "I will, John, thank you." Mary kissed Alex and Bobby goodbye, then they left.

Dr. Marconi turned toward Alex. "Are you ready to get started?"

--

They didn't get back to Alex's until daybreak. Bobby opened the door then hustled around in front of her, getting her bed ready as quickly as he could. She used the bathroom, then collapsed in her bed. "Stay," was all she managed to say before she passed out. It was all he needed to hear.

He watched her for a few minutes, until her breathing evened out, then he left the room to make a couple of phone calls. The first was to John and Mary to let them know she was home but sleeping, and that one of them would call them again later. The next was to Deakins, letting him know that he would be out for the day and Eames would need another day or two before coming back to work.

Bobby leaned against the kitchen counter and thought about the events of the past twelve hours. The D&C was performed without a problem. Physically, Alex will be fine. But emotionally, he wasn't so sure. He had never seen her so raw and exposed. Her defenses had been demolished; her seemingly unbreakable outer shell wasn't just cracked, it was shattered.

As he stood there, he allowed himself a minute to reflect on his own feelings, his own loss. He knew she didn't have a clue she had been pregnant, she would never had done that to him. But what if things had been different? What if they knew the truth, and for three months they were able to come to terms with their relationship? They would have made plans, they would have been happy. Their life would have been completely different than it was. Or would it have been; would anything have changed?

Bobby was trying to find the answers, but he suddenly felt the pull of sleep. He had been running on nothing but adrenaline for hours, and that high was finally subsiding. He pushed himself away from the counter, went to the bathroom, then joined Alex in bed.

--

A few hours later, Alex opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was Bobby. For the briefest of seconds, she was surprised to see him there, but then she remembered what happened and her eyes welled up.

Her sniffling woke him, and he turned onto his side to face her.

"Hi." He knew better than to lead with 'how are you'. That question would only anger her.

"How'd you sleep?" She was avoiding the obvious, too.

"Okay...can I get you anything?"

She thought about it for a second. "Some water would be good, I'm really thirsty."

"Sure...be right back."

He left the room and came back with a tall glass of water for her. He handed her the water, then climbed back into bed. She drank it while propped up on one elbow, and when she was done he took the glass and put it on his nightstand.

"Thank you, Bobby." He knew she was thanking him for more than the water, but he didn't want to delve into that conversation. He thought it was too soon.

He decided to change the subject. "Hungry?"

"No." She laid her head back down and started to cry again. "Bobby..."

"Oh, sweetheart...come here." He pulled her to him, and wrapped his arms around her. She sobbed in his arms, not holding anything back. As hard as it was to hear her so upset, he was also relieved that she was. He had feared she would shut him out of her grieving process, that she would close herself off to him. But instead, she was searching him out, and that made it easier for him to grieve as well. He knew she wasn't looking for him to be strong and say things to make it better, she was looking to him so they could comfort each other; to deal with their loss together. She ended up crying herself back to sleep. He held her until she woke up again.

--

He felt her stirring in his arms. He ran a hand up and down her back, and he felt her kiss his chest. He, in turn, kissed the top of her head then rested his cheek against her hair.

"I need to get up for a minute." She began untangling herself from him.

He reluctantly let her go. "Anything I can do?"

"I wish you could do this for me, but unfortunately, you can't." She gave him a smile and it made him feel good to hear her attempt light banter. She came back from the bathroom and sat on the edge of the bed. She rested her hand on his bicep. "You know you have some clothes here…they're in the bottom drawer."

He resisted the urge to touch her face. "Thanks, I remembered."

She tried to smile but it faded quickly. "I'm gonna take a shower, but...do you think you could run to the store for me?"

"Sure, what do ya need?"

She winced a little, "More pads," she scratched her neck, "sorry."

He smiled at her. "Nothing I haven't done for you before, Eames." They both laughed a little as they remembered him making runs to the store after she had Nathan.

She sighed. "Thank you, Bobby." She stood up. "Why don't you use the bathroom while I'm getting undressed."

Bobby hopped up out of bed. "Sure, be right out."

--

While she was showering, Bobby went to the store. He got her some pads, and also picked up food for dinner. On his way back to Alex's, he called the Eames' but they weren't home. He had a feeling he knew where they were, and as he got closer to her place, he saw their car parked nearby.

--

Mary and John Eames greeted Bobby as if he was family, and their welcoming attitudes were never lost on him. Never in his life was he accepted like he was with Alex's parents and siblings. And their acceptance was something he knew he'd never take for granted.

"Alex was just telling us that she doesn't need anything… that you are taking excellent care of her." John smiled gently at Bobby as he shook his hand.

Bobby's eyes skittered to Alex then back to her dad. "Well, thank you, John. I'm - I'm doin' my best to make sure she's okay."

Her dad nodded at Bobby, then turned to Alex as he stood up. "Can we get you two anything before we leave?"

Alex stood up, too. "No, Dad, we're all set." She walked them to the door then turned to her mother. "I'll call you tomorrow…okay, Mom?"

"Sure, honey. Call me when you wake up. And if you need anything, we'll come back."

"Thanks, Mom." She kissed her parents goodbye.

--

"The Captain called while you were out." Alex saw Bobby falter a little when she said mentioned Deakins. She wondered why but decided not to ask.

Bobby knew Alex saw him. "Oh, yeah?" He tried to sound casual. "What did he have to say?"

"He was just checking up on me. I told him I was fine and that I'd see him tomorrow."

Bobby did a double take. "What?! Alex, don't you think that's too soon?"

Her stubborness flared. "I'm fine, Bobby. Besides, I'm not gonna just sit around here feeling sorry for myself."

_Here it comes_, he thought. _She's decided she doesn't need anyone's help; not even mine_. _I have to tread lightly._

"Who said you have to feel sorry for yourself? Alex, listen…you've been through a lot in the past twenty-four hours; physically and emotionally. Please, just give yourself some more time."

"Are you going in tomorrow?" He couldn't tell if she was softening or challenging him.

He put his head down, then raised his eyes and wrinkled his forehead. "I was hoping, uh, to stay with you."

She went over to the groceries and started pulling things out of the bags. "How about…I see how I feel in the morning…and if I feel up to it, I'll go in." Their eyes met while Bobby thought about what she said. Before he could answer her, she sweetened the pot, "You can keep an eye on me, and if you think I've had enough, give me a sign and I'll leave…as long as you come with me."

_Ah! She doesn't want to be alone_. Bobby tried to hide his understanding of her motives. He did his best to sound unfazed by what she just inadvertently admitted. "Deal" He nodded his head then looked away as quickly as he could.

--

Even though it was winter, Bobby grilled some steaks. They had roasted vegetables and a salad to go with the meat. The dinner made Alex feel a lot better, and after the meal, she insisted that she cleaned up since he did all the cooking. Instead of arguing with her, Bobby stretched out on the couch. He rested his head on the arm rest, and bent his knees a little bit so his feet would fit. Then he turned on the TV and found a documentary about the ancient city of Mohenjo-Daro that he had never seen before.

When Alex was done cleaning up, she came into the living room. She approached him, and without thinking about it, Bobby pressed himself against the back of the couch to make room for her, then she lay down and molded herself to him. He handed her a pillow that he had put on the back of the couch, and she used it to rest her head on.

"What do you want to watch?" He spoke gently into her hair.

"This is good."

He chuckled a little. "Eames…you mean to tell me that you're fine with this boring show?"

She took his hand and wrapped his arm around her. "I'm fine. Besides, I'm not in it for the show, I'm in it for this." She leaned back into him as she spoke. He smiled as he tightened his hold on her, then kissed the back of her head.

"Feelin' okay, Alex?"

"Better." She picked up his hand and kissed his fingers. "Because of you."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She felt him do that and it made her smile.

--


	15. Chapter 15

--

The next two weeks were spent going from work to home without too much else in between. Bobby brought over a suitcase full of clothes after that first day at work, and he hadn't been back to his apartment since. They were both taking comfort in being together; something they both found extremely reassuring yet, in true form, they didn't acknowledge it to each other.

About ten days after her miscarriage, Alex was physically feeling much better. Her bleeding had stopped, and she felt strong and healthy; almost as if nothing had happened. Emotionally, she was still struggling, but having Bobby with her was putting her mind at ease. She knew he couldn't stay forever (why, though?), so she wasn't taking any time they had together for granted.

Bobby brought her to a checkup at the two week mark. He wasn't planning on going into the exam with her. She asked him to join her and at first he said no, but the pleading look in her eyes made him break his resolve. He found himself sitting very uncomfortably in the corner of the room while Eames' doctor performed an internal exam on her. The doctor said she was doing great. They talked about what she should next expect in terms of her period, and they discussed when it would be okay for her to have intercourse again, as well as when to start on birth control. They also talked about the possibility of getting pregnant again. Dr. Marconi told Alex that he didn't think Alex would have the same problems that her sister had. He thought that the miscarriage was just a fluke. He said that she shouldn't have any problems getting pregnant and keeping the pregnancy to full term. Bobby thought that Alex didn't seem to be too happy with what the doctor said, but instead of pressing him on it like Bobby thought she would, he quickly let the subject drop. It was all a bit much for Bobby to take in. When they finally stood to leave, he let out such a sigh of relief that Alex couldn't help laugh at him.

The ride back to her place was quiet. Bobby didn't try to bring up anything in the car. But, he did feel it was time to talk about something, anything, that they had been avoiding. He was well aware that there were too many unresolved issues between them to count. He knew how strained their relationship was before the miscarriage, and that they needed to get back to those problems before they could even consider any type of future together. The subject of her miscarriage was also something he knew they had to address. The way she let it drop in the doctors office told Bobby that she was avoiding the topic in an attempt to evade further discussion with him.

--

Once they were back at Alex's, he waited until she was settled on the couch, then he spoke.

"Tell me why you look so worried."

She rolled her eyes. "Where do I start?"

He regarded her carefully before he spoke. "Can we go back to before all this happened?"

She put her head down and rubbed her forehead. "Bobby, what if the doctor was wrong? What if what happens to Beth, does happen to me again?"

He wasn't surprised that she chose to ignore his question. He knew she would avoid any subject that made her delve too deep into her longstanding feelings and fears. She guarded them too closely to just open up so easily.

When he didn't answer her, she continued, "I mean, what if getting pregnant with Nathan was just a fluke? What if I can't have any more children?" She stood up and went into the kitchen. He followed her. She turned and leaned sideways against the counter and he mirrored her stance.

"Did you want to...to try again?"

She looked up at him. "Honestly? I don't know. But it hurts to think I might not have that option anymore."

"Alex, no one's saying you don't have that option except you."

"Bobby, I don't know about you, but don't think I can go through a loss like this again."

It took Bobby by surprise that she was still considering him in her future.

"Babe, this isn't something you have to have all the answers for right now. To me, the last thing you should be worrying about right now is getting pregnant again…it's still so raw. Why don't we work on getting you stronger, back to full steam, then take it from there."

She thought about what he said for a long time. "You're right, Bobby. I think right now I have to get my body back to normal. Once my periods are regular, I'll go back on the pill until I," she looked at him, "we…can think things through. It's all too much right now."

"It is too much right now."

She stepped into him and rested her forehead against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and she did the same, then turned her head sideways so she could get closer to him.

--

A few mornings later, they were lying in bed, stalling the inevitable. "How about," he paused before he dropped the bomb, "we go away for a few days."

Alex turned on her side and rested her hand on his arm. "You mean…together?"

He turned to look at her and smiled gently. He knew her question was a dodge. "Of course, I mean together."

Long pause. "Where?"

He turned to face her. "I don't know…somewhere…warm."

"You're mom…she'll be alright without you?"

He tried not to flinch. He hated discussing his mother, or his whole family for that matter. "I'll tell her I have an undercover thing, and I'll let her nurses know I'll be gone for a few days. She'll be okay."

She could tell he tensed up, so she leaned over and kissed his arm. "When?"

He felt hopeful because she wasn't saying no right away. "In a few weeks…in a month? Whenever you're feeling up to it."

"For how long?"

"How about a long weekend…we can leave on a Wednesday night, come home on a Sunday. We'd have three days of doing nothing but lying on a beach sipping tropical drinks, and watching the waves roll up on the sand."

She snorted, "Yeah, like we can get the time off."

He ran a finger down her cheek. "You say yes, and I'll deal with getting the time off. I'll make it happen."

She looked at him skeptically. "How come you're so sure about that?"

"Let's just say…if you agree to go, I'll be a very motivated guy."

"You're just trying to get me into a bathing suit."

He got a devilish look in his eyes. "Or, we can go to a 'clothing optional' resort."

She rewarded him with a deep, sexy laugh and his body warmed instantly. "I may have to draw the line there…I don't want anyone else eyeing you up."

He pulled her close and lightly kissed her. "Wouldn't matter to me, I'd never take my eyes off of you."

They both giggled a little.

"So…is that a yes?"

She hesitated. "I need to think about it a little."

Satisfied he wasn't immediately shot down, he kissed her forehead and nodded. "Deal."

--

**Three Weeks Later**

Goren and Logan walk out of Deakins' office with their heads hung low. Never before had either of them been through a case like this last one. Bobby and Mike were able to safely extricate not only themselves and Mike's girlfriend from the Brooklyn prison she worked at, they also rescued the dozens of men who were illegally held there.

For Bobby and Mike, it was a stressful job well done. For Alex, it was too close for comfort.

She and Bobby had just come back from a wonderful trip to the Bahamas. About ten days after their conversation about going away, Alex looked at him across their desks and whispered, "please take me away from all this." Bobby immediately sprung into action. He got the time cleared with Deakins (who, knowing what he knew, was more than happy to accommodate them), booked the hotel and flights, and they were gone two days later. Their time away was exactly what they both needed. As Bobby promised, they did nothing but lounge on the beach all day, and at night they delighted in rediscovering each other for hours on end. As wonderful as it had been, they were both aware that they were still steering clear of any meaningful discussions. Bobby had never seen Alex more relaxed, but, there was still a part of her that she was hiding. It was a part of her that she wouldn't let him see; no matter what he said or what he did. It was frustrating him to no end, but he forced himself to accept it because he loved her so much. _Give her time, she'll come around._ He didn't think he had a choice.

At that moment, Alex felt as far removed from the beach in the Bahamas as she possibly could be. She had just spent a terrifying hour outside a prison while Bobby was locked, unarmed, inside of it with sadistic and murderous prison guards.

Alex watched the two men approach her desk. Mike caught Alex's eyes, and with a lopsided grin he motioned his head toward Bobby, "You should have seen him in there, Eames, he was on fire."

Alex glared at Bobby then back at Mike. "I bet."

Bobby saw her look and heard her voice and knew she was upset. "Drop it, Logan."

Mike thought Bobby was just being humble so he pressed on. "Seriously, Goren, we're lucky to be alive right now. And if it wasn't for your great bullshitting ability, we probably wouldn't be."

Alex flew from her chair. "That's great, Mike." The words dripped out of her, and Mike didn't know what to do. He wasn't expecting her to react like that. Then he watched her grab her bag and her coat and storm out.

His jaw dropped, then he looked at Bobby. "What I say?"

Bobby narrowed his eyes at Logan. "I asked you to drop it." Then Mike watched Bobby take off after his partner.

Mike's expression changed from confusion to enlightenment. "Ahhhhh, well good for them." He nodded his head in understanding then said to himself, "Sorry, Buddy. Didn't mean to get you in the dog house with the little woman."

--

Bobby raced down to the parking garage. He saw Alex's car, but didn't see her. He stood around for a few minutes before realizing she wasn't going to her car. She outsmarted him and went home another way. _Shit_.

--

Later on that night, he let himself into her place. He didn't knock or call her first, he just used his key.

She was laying in her bed, on top of her covers. He didn't say a word as he moved toward her and sat on the edge of the bed.

--


	16. Chapter 16

**For rindy. I was at a loss, and your review spurred me on. Thanks!**

--

Bobby didn't move or speak. He was waiting for Alex. Her eyes were open but she didn't acknowledge him; he took her lack of screaming at him as a good sign.

"Do you remember the first time we slept together?"

He was baffled. That was the last question he expected her to pose at that particular moment. He spoke gently, "Of course I do, I'll never forget it."

"We were pretty drunk."

He was still confused; unsure of where she was taking the conversation. "Uh, yeah. I'd say."

She remained with her back to him. It was a long time before she spoke again. "If that night never happened…Where do you think we'd be right now?"

"You mean, would we be here…together?"

"Yeah."

"I sure hope so, Alex."

More silence.

"Those first few times…they were…intense."

He spoke carefully. "We had…a lot of…emotions between us. We still do."

"The next day…when I came back…" She was back to the first time they were together, it took him a second to catch on. "you seemed surprised to see me."

He studied her from behind, wishing she would turn around. "I was and I wasn't." He saw her nod her head.

"If I didn't come back, would you have come looking for me?"

"Yes."

"Good."

He hesitated before taking a chance on asking her a question. "Do you regret that night? I mean, if that didn't happen, you wouldn't be lying here on your bed right now, pissed as hell at me."

"Who says I wouldn't be? You always find a way to piss me off." He couldn't help but smile at her snark.

"Alex…about today…I don't know what to say."

"I don't either."

She knew what she wanted to say. She wanted to yell at him for being so reckless. She wanted to scream about how scared she was; and how this case was just another example of how rash he could be. Before she fell in love with him, no strike that…before she began sleeping with him (she'd been in love long before that), it was bad enough. But now…now she knew what it was like to be close to him, to have him laying naked on top of her; what it was like to make love to him, and to be held in his arms all night long. She closed her eyes, trying to block out the pain she was imagining. All she could do was picture how wrong tonight could have gone. She was envisioning Deakins or Carver as they explained how his body was found, beaten to a bloody pulp.

"I can't go through it again." She didn't realize she said that out loud, but she must have because Bobby was responding to something. He lay down next to her, he needed to physically connect with her.

"You have to understand, I never put myself in a position I don't think I can get out of."

She rolled over to face him and shook her head. "But what if you're wrong."

"I haven't been yet…You have to trust me, Alex."

She started crying. "I was so scared, Bobby."

He pulled her close and let her cry. He knew she needed to release her emotions. Once he thought she was quieting down, he gently pulled his head back to get a good look at her.

"The only thing I can tell you, is I am who I am…and I do what I do. I can't change those things. If I try to, I'm afraid that then…then I will make a mistake. You just have to trust me, Eames. Love me and trust me, and know that anything I do, I always believe I can make it out okay."

"But you're reckless…you know that." She phrased more like a statement than a question.

He shook his head, "I don't think I am. I know I take risks, but I've never taken a chance that I haven't already figured a way out of first."

She gave him a skeptical look. "Come on, Bobby. How about the guy in the hotel room with his kids and a shotgun?! He easily could have blown your head off! You had no weapon, no vest…"

"He wouldn't have gained anything from killing me. He was focused on not disappointing his family, and if he killed me, that's exactly what he would have done. I knew that going in there."

She thought about that for a long time. She didn't know he thought that far ahead, that he always had an escape plan. To her, he seemed he flew by the seat of his pants. It made her feel better to know that he actually was being cautious.

She also knew he was one hundred percent right about something. He was exactly who he presented himself to be, and he wasn't going to change. Alex realized she had to accept him for all that he was, for good or bad. If she loved him like she said she did, she had to, once and for all, tell him she was in for the long haul.

She carefully ran her fingers down his cheek. "Ya know, I told you once I wasn't gonna leave, and I'm not. Ever." Her face was set in a determined look.

He closed his eyes in relief and gave her a feint smile. He looked at her again, "I was scared about that."

She leaned into him and kissed him. Her kiss was chaste at first, but then she moved her body closer to him and deepened the kiss. He felt her tongue reach inside his mouth and his body warmed with intense desire for her. He needed her. He needed her on so many levels that it overwhelmed him. He had a need to show her how much he loved her, how much he desired her. He also felt an enormous relief that she wasn't leaving. It wasn't until she said the words that he believed she was still firmly in their relationship.

She pushed him onto his back and climbed on top of him. She straddled him as her hands were wandering over his chest and up and into his hair. Then she kissed him intensely. He felt how much she wanted him, she wasn't hiding anything.

"Bobby…I want you to know…how much I love you."

"I do."

She stopped. Her hands resting on either side of his head, her body poised above him. "You only think you know. I haven't even begun to show you how I really feel."

"Alex…baby."

"Shhh. Bobby. There's so much…in here," she motioned to her heart, "so much I can't let out yet. But I want to, I want you to know…to feel…how much I love you. I just…I just need time."

He moved his hands from her waist to her hair. He held her head in front of him. "Take whatever time you need…But please, please let me help you. Don't try to do this alone."

She leaned down and kissed his cheek. "I'm counting on you to help me."

He pulled her down to him and kissed her again. When the kiss ended he looked her right her eyes. "We can do this together, Alex. You've been through so much, and we've been through so much. And I know that we can handle all of it as long as we're together."

Alex stretched out on top of him and rested her head on his chest. He felt her nod her head in agreement and it made him smile.

--

The End

--

**a/n: This is the end of this series of stories. I've been really struggling with ending it, but I think now is a good time. I realized I didn't want to go back over all the "big" episodes (ITWSH, The War at Home, Blind Spot, Siren Call…), as I did that in Healing, and in one or two one shots. Sort of been there, done that. So, this is it. I hope everyone enjoyed it.**

**I am already working on an unrelated four epi-arc set in a later season. **

**So…until next time…cifan.**


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